Poll #1 : Definitions

1. When can you say that you're "seeing someone"?
2. How would you define dating?
3. What does "nothing serious" exactly mean?

I'd really like to get some feedback on this. If you must ask, yes, I am seeing someone, but we're not exactly dating yet, since we're both not looking for something serious.

In Bullets

I have a few notes to say... to myself.

• Wala muna akong ikukwento, kasi bigla kong naisip, may mga makakarelate sa kwento. haha! Yes, marami nang nakakabasa, and the thing is, the guys I'm about to make kwento are the ones reading this blog. That would be awkward, right? So... Hindi na lang. Haha!
• Oh but I'd like to clear that up, I'm not sleeping around with guys. I did mention in the previous post that I've got kwento to tell about boys. Well, I think that'll be my next kwento, where are these boys coming from. *on cue: Bring the boys out!*
• Hmmm... Closet blog pa ba ito? Naman eh! Now I can't freely write about particular guys because they'll be able to read it. hmmm... Maybe I should change url, no?
• By the way, this closet blog of mine has just turned 1 this Christmas. Not much of a celebration - so did my Christmas. hohum.
• There are these decent guys that I'd like to write about... kaso, lugi ako. They get a peek at my thoughts, habang sila e di ko man lang mabasa ang mga saloobin. 
• I'd like to think that I'm good at reading people. I just wish people knew how to read me. As in take a good time, just reading me. Pampam ba? haha!
• I've got some free time. But it'll be over soon. Back to business... farewell to boys? Hmm. 
• I'd like to have cake. As always, I'm craving for food :P

Just because I'm not in an awesome mood to come up with a decent writing - we hit it off with bullets!

Bang! Bang! ;)

Of Gusts and Tides

Fck.

Wala pang isang buwan mula nang nangumpisal ako, mukhang nababali ko na ang aking panata. Biglang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin nitong nakaraang linggo, malakas ang hampas pabaling sa kabilang direksyon.

Storm Surge

and it's not about Sendong.


Write up to follow.

Anchor

I think I've done enough exploring. I've set sail a few years back, and travelled far and long. Now I'm back home, with all the baggage from my trip, and assorted memories and lore. It's time to unload it all, and give myself some peace, of mind and soul.

It's time to focus on the important things... what matters most, are those that you left back home.

Back to December

I think it's my blog's anniversary soon. Oh, I 've been very busy lately with work, the vicious cycle of reports, exams, and lack of sleep. Last night, i almost missed dinner if it weren't for a housemate who invited me to eat... and it was only then i realized that I've been continuously working on my seat for the past 5 hours. Parang robot lang talaga, di man lang nakaramdam ng gutom.

So basically this entry is an update.

Something happened last week... let's call it an epiphany. Or better yet, a calling. 

I went to confession.

We ought to have some coffee.

Instead of grabbing a couple of cups at a fancy café, I'd rather we make our own coffee. :)

So what say you? 

Letters to Self :: 2009-11-17

1:46 am 

Letters to Self :: 2009-11-15

1:25 PM 

Attention

Everybody seem to crave for *
To have some piece of *


A little of your *
Undivided *

* takes a great deal of our interest

* and dedication

* makes you come back
For more *

Letters to Self :: 2009-11-01

1:33 AM 

Letters to Self

Last night, I was de-cluttering my laptop and found the very first documents I've stuffed in a folder. Letters, more like "Dear diary". I got this laptop a few days after M and I broke up, so most of those documents were about him.

Reading those letters again gave me some enlightenment, I suppose. I do believe we all need to look back once in awhile to see how far we've gone.

I'll be posting some of the letters as a series, with a little editing, since I've written highly personal impertinent stuff

October 19, 2009

A dinner for two, of pastas and Italian cuisine. It's not simply for the love of pastas, but also because you were a vegetarian. Challenging kang ka-date kasi di ka mahatak sa mga burger shops at steak house. Konsensya ko pa na french fries lang kakainin mo sa Mcdo. Plus, it had to be somewhere fancy... it's a celebration of our 2nd month of being together.

Cubao X was the place... it was a quiet evening. We only had dinner because we started the date late. Nobody's at fault, it was the availability we had. Besides, I was too tired to go around or enjoy a movie. We went back to your place and decided to just watch some film or series on your laptop. It's good that we had the room to ourselves, and that your roomies were already off to vacation.

On that evening we made love. It was that same evening I felt the love for you.

Today, it's been exactly two years since that night I felt that love.

Guess what?

I still do.

Stream 2011-10-08

the idea of it

a prodrome

thumping pulse

building pressure

manifesting aura

Why the sudden compulsion?

For something that has never occurred before

a phenomenon, a rare feat

an adventure awaits

just for me to take bait

or perhaps an omen

of evil things to transpire

exchange of heat, perspire!

Of mischief, no profit

malignant, might not be revertant

Malate

a bruit on auscultation, tempting invitation

sanity on obtundation, inexistent salvation

a need, of instinct and drive, a must to jive

listless, restless, must not be fruitless

Malate

should I succumb, to what could be a catacomb?

Pagod, a drink, an invite, the afternoon, pleasant stroll, and Fabcasts

How's my weekend going down?

Truth

I woke up this morning with you in my mind. Not exactly how and why, but you were the first thing on my mind, right next to the first light.

"I love you."

It's been two years already, and still I wake up to a morning like this. No amount of sadness, nor drop of bitterness - it's the truth. I love you. But we've parted ways, you turned your back on me, I had to push myself away from you. You didn't want me after all.

 I was happy with you as you told me you were happy with me. But in the end, you professed "that I was never happy to begin with". You left me, broken hearted. I love you, unfortunately you couldn't reciprocate. You took my heart and left it in the cold. You took my sight and left me blind in the dark.

You took away Truth - the only thing I hold on to. The Truth I've treasured since the beginning of life, snatched away in seconds.

Two years. How long shall it take for Truth to be back in my arms?

The Fuss About Libido

What I should have said... I'm FREAKING FUCKING HORNY.

I dunno, but my sex drive is on full throttle, and I think it has something to do with my increased appetite and food intake this week. It's either that, or I have a tumour in my head.

Once again I've correlated food with sex! I've been eating up this week, and by the middle of the week I started heating up as well. I feel sexier when I wake up in the morning, in the shower, while dressing up, while stripping down, before going to sleep, and even in the middle of sleep. Sexified? The weekend was quite a torture - all by myself, with nothing to do! My idle mind had the workplace for the Devil comparable to that of Santa's workshop in the freezing North Pole - only mine was all about a scorching frig.

I could have simply jerk myself off. But I resisted. For me, it was not simply about spilling seeds, or easing tension because after every wank I'd still feel a lot of juices left. Persistent friction could result to serious chaffing, you know! It even crossed my mind to search online for a fuck, or wander off in the dark streets of Manila, to cruise public toilets and/or cinemas, and even to check out a certain fiery gay club. Basically, listed outlet options. But I've pondered on each idea and realized that I'm not willing to do any of that now, either being on the safe side or out of hesitations.  Like I've said, it's simply not about doing the deed. I'm not really sure... but there's this feeling of yearning. For a fuck? Perhaps. But but it's more than a compulsion, beyond this physical exploit. A longing for passionate intimacy?

Hmmm...
Then again, I firmly believe that the voracious appetite and surging sexual urges are strongly connected. With the increased caloric intake, it would suffice the necessity for greater energy expenditure. What do you think?



(p.s. If I'm not mistaken, it's a first to have jerk, wank, fuck, dick, horny,urges,  and a lot of sex, in one entry. As well as descriptives for food, i.e. juices, seeds, voracious, intake, but were used for sexual innuendos. I must be really horny and hungry both at the same time. Sheesh.)

Letting it out

Pardon me for what I'm about to say...

Tonight ends Life as I know it.

for Blood shall beckon Death
and Death shall be caressing my head
Misery shall cradle me in her arms
as she sings lullabies of Sorrow and Despair
Wrath will taunt me to play to distract me from slumber
tire me more with Anguish, weakened by Anger
Lie takes my hand as Denial lights my path
to Nothingness, I shall be
dreams of Regret haunting me

Life has surely abandoned me
Oh dearest Hope, where art thee?

The answer lies within your very own words..

Impulse Pounding = Burning Trouble

Impetus

Out on a saturday night - alone. Well it's not unusual, it's just that tonight, I'm feeling quite lonesome.
...
...

Hmm... I was intending to go for a more formal entry, but...wth.

Impasse

Yes, my life is at a standstill. Not life, entirely. But which aspect of life to be exact, I'm not even sure.

It's Been Awhile

Well, it's been a busy month, and now I'm a free man! Hooorah!

Hudyat [Postscript]

somehow, that was the feeling of having you in my dream. 


Makes me wonder though...do you really even think of me?

Hudyat

Dahil late na at pagod na ako, at low bat na rin ang laptop... I'll make this brief. Wala na munang dramatics or poetics...

'nuf F-U-N

Lately, I've been having a lot of fun. These past couple of weeks I've been hanging out more often than I ever had in college. I've gone to a club and do nothing but throw my hands in the air and undulate with the crowd (tho I found it such a boring scene. People don't actually dance on the dance floor, hmm). I've spent a little extra from my limited finances on food and dining, and entertainment. I have let myself to be the lakwatsero that I have denied myself from in the past.

Oo, masaya. Party dito, party doon.

But I think that's enough fun for now. There are matters at hand that are in dire need of attention and concentration. Right now, an unfortunate twist of fate is putting me on a rough patch these coming weeks. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make through it... *sighs*. I'll just have to play the cards at hand, and be careful enough not to make any haste move. Also, I ought to stay away from any form of distraction - that includes all sorts of party, booze, and even boys (...as if meron?).













SWEET BEJEESUS! A roller-coaster ride... I'm really going to be sad and lonely these following days. Add that to the stress from all the work, the frustration with all the problems, and anxiety brought by the worries. Depression is inevitable. Hopefully I make it through. 
I'm going to be yearning for some form of comfort by the middle of the week. *sigh*

Weekend 2011 0722-0723

Oh yes, I did have a great weekend... ate as much as I could!

I would like to take this opportunity to address the comments from the previous post. Yes guys kumain ako nitong weekend ng pasta.Sad to say, hindi ako natuwa sa mga nakain kong pasta :( Alfredo and Charlie, though a tag team, didn't really stand up to the challenge on Friday eve. On Saturday lunch, a macaroni salad made me wanna puke (kaso fine dining, nakakhiya naman kung gawin ko nga). But not to worry, I had a lot other than pasta. Salmon belly, lamb chops, maki and sushi of different sorts, kebabs, oysters,... in short buffet. AND IT WAS PURE AWESOME OF GASTRONOMIC PROPORTIONS!

I don't really see myself as a foodie, I simply enjoy food. I really take my time when I eat, and I don't mind if I'm the last guy on the table. Food basically has my heart for now. Oh, and also wine! haha! I had a good time on Friday midnight with a friend over a bottle of wine. Now I'm sticking with wine when it comes to drinking the night away (a kwento to tell, hehe).

Scrumptious meals, fine wine, hearty conversations, good times with friends...ang sarap ng buhay! 

Weekend!

I wish to enjoy this weekend. Definitely, kakain ako! haha! Wala muna shopping, sa pagkain ko na muna ilalaan ang moolah :D

Pasta ang kinasasabikan ko all this time! Tsaka sushi! YUM!!!

They say that our food cravings actually correspond to a particular mood. Like for example, pasta. Sex daw ang tunay na ibig sabihin nyan. Well, kung iisipin, pwede. Carbs in general is craved by people with huge appetite, those who require immediate source of energy. These people are also observed to be engaged in activities that require more of endurance rather than strength.

You can google it yourself, just key in "food cravings mood" and find yourself a good read. Medyo tinatamad ako magsulat. Also, I need to prepare now - going out for dinner with friends. Ciao!

"Ipagdasal kita... sa lovelife...."

Unang beses ko atang nasabihan ng ganyan, o unang pagkakataon ko lang nabigyang pansin ang mga katagang yan. Ang nasambit ko na lang,

Huwag na! Hindi ko kailangan nyan ngayon! PAGKAIN ANG GUSTO KO! Pagdasal mo na tumaba pa ko!

At nung mga sandaling iyon, naramdaman ko ang katotohanan sa mga salitang, tila kendi, iniluwa ko lang. Nakakauya rin pala ang ideya ng lovelife, lalo na sa puntong ito ng buhay ko. Lovelife? Masusuya lang ako kesa sa mabusog. Masusustansyang pagkain ang kailangan ko at hindi hamak na junk food. Higit pa sa tamis ang hanap ko -  linamnam sa bawat kagat ang tunay kong inaasam.











O sadyang gutom lang ako?

Stream 2011-07-16

a text
an invite
a set place
by the station
agreed, settled
we meet
a short walk
up a motel
down on bed
3 hours in all
we leave
parted ways
past 11
it's late
beyond curfew
a long walk back
in the dark
along the streets
unfamiliar faces
strange crowd
alien passing
dim lights
creeping shadows
unforeseen alleys
haunting thoughts
regret?
can't disregard
how could I?
can't deny
Is it that bad?
i am in longing...
that much.

I feel like going shopping...

This time, seryosong shopping. As in mamimili ako sa mall. yung last post ko kasi di tungkol sa shopping talaga yun...pero dahil na rin sa mga response na nakuha e naeengganyo akong magshopping.

Gusto ko sana makabili ng isang set ng damit, mula top hanggang footwear. One complete get up. Something fancy perhaps, or the usual get up. I'm open to try out a new look as well.

hmm... i think i need a shopping buddy, or fashion adviser.:D

On Staying Super:: Tingin tingin lang muna.

It's like when going to the mall, and you don't really know what to get, you opt to window shop. Breezing through one store after the other, checking one shelf over another. Simply inspection. I don't really mind at all, I take time whenever I go window shopping; no haste and worry.

What's  frustrating about window shopping, though, is when the whole mall is on clearance sale and you didn't bring enough moolah
=______=

The Ridiculist

Oh Anderson Cooper! >.<

"What will you be going to New York for?"

A pop question, totally sidetracked from discussion, as she firmly taps my shoulder.

"For a vacation?" I blurted out as I was snatched away from my daydream.

"To get married!"

The snide remark caught me off guard. Her as well. People were already snickering. She then saves herself with apologies and "I didn't mean that you -" and "Not that I was implying -". But it was just a little too late.

What I should have said:
Oh! Pardon me madam, but I don't have plans of getting married to the same sex... and I don't believe in such marriages. Sorry to disappoint you.

Chance at Charms

From a list of things that got me preoccupied last weekend, I stumbled upon this hottie as I was surfing the net. Among athletes, type ko swimmer. Well I'm not sure if he's a swimmer, but he definitely looks good in swimwear :P Just check out the link, it's a good outline of his profile plus the photos.

I've never mentioned any man crush, until now. So what's with this guy? Well, if you've seen the photos you could say his gwapo, pogi, macho...or simply put, yummy. Though I'm not fond of his face, his body would do for a yummy body shot. A friend of mine mentioned his body would be great with whip cream, but I prefer to keep some of my favourite foods wholesome. He does have a Japanese look, and at some angle he reminds me of somebody else - a hotter version of someone. hehe..

So, really what's with this guy? Well, I believe I have a good opportunity of meeting him. >.< 

Simply put, I am looking forward to meet him. From what I've heard, he's really charming. Tingnan nga natin kung matinag ako ng charms nya. 

Hopefully a decent connection from a simple chitchat would transpire. Wish me luck!

So Much of M

Of Closets:: Whom I'd Get Out For?

I'm not truly a closeted guy. One, I tell my dearest friends a lot about me simply because they're entitled to it, or I feel like sharing, or even as a form of equivalent exchange for all their dirty secrets. Two, I don't mind answering people's queries regarding my sexuality and preference; as long as they directly and personally ask me, I'm willing to give them a straight answer. Three, when and if I have a boyfie I'd like to introduce him to my dearest friends, and eventually to my family as well since I have no intention of hiding behind a shadow, nor keeping things out of the light, especially with my  family. Basically, these three are my setting for "coming out".

Got Time to Sit and Tell Stories

... but which story to tell?

1. how I got busy with the week,  - something routine naman ito, so baka boring lang
2. how I've finally realized that I've moved on from M -oo, as in walang latak ng pait
3. how I'm reminded how stuffy it is to be in a closet - something to do with coming out to a friend, pero hindi ko magawa ng madalian
4. how I stumbled upon a hottie online - napaclick sa link at *ding*, napakagat labi ako
5. how I'm surviving a crisis - naapektuhan ako ng poverty. (OA lang, pero oo taghirap ako ngayon)

As I sit in bed reflecting from the week that I have endured, these made it to my top 5. Though I posted them here, I'm not really asking the crowd to pick one and send in their votes to a Kwento to Tell. 

(Grabe, sabi ko pa man din sa isang nakaraang ulat di ako masyadong makakapgsulat sapagkat busy-busyhan na ko...pero eto naman, kung makaonline ng minsanan sagaran naman. hehe Bawi lang din pala e.)

Gaaaaah...got so many kwentos to tell. I've got a little more time tonight, we'll see which one I'll be writing about. (Huwag ko lang makatulugan :P)

Stream 2011-06-17

tiresome week
ending in weeps
a tear falls
soundless corridors
crowded halls
stalking seagulls

a man of the past
rests at last
feelings of truth
fin'lly bear fruit
love admitted
believed to be requited
settled relentlessness

Sweet Cheeks

I'm pretty much the guy who likes to kiss, and I could say I'm very particular with it. As I've mentioned in some previous entries, I don't like being asked for a kiss especially if he's not the boyfie, or he's not swabe, or I don't really feel like giving one.

But some time this week, I kissed someone on the cheek. Something that I don't really do, not even with guys I've dated before. This one peck I did this week, well, was actually a surprise. Not for the guy, I can't say for him, but for me it's actually a bit of a surprise. I don't remember giving anyone a peck on the cheek. (Oh, I just remembered, I did give a guy friend back in college a quick peck on the cheek. He's not gay, and the kiss was not intentional. It was out of reflex. I'll reserve that kwento some other time :P)

So, this guy picked me up for dinner, and it's the second night we've seen each other.We had dinner at a nearby pizzeria, chitchat about stuff, and about people. After our meal, we drove back to my place, and it was in that moment that I felt like kissing him. But not the usual kiss that I like or enjoy. I simply had the compulsion of kissing him on the cheek. During that drive, I felt sneaky whenever I glance at him, not because I was shy - well I shouldn't be since we've just gone out the previous night. It felt like I was stealing glances from someone I have stared at, and it's unusual.

I took a deep breath, faced him while he's looking beyond the dashboard, and just threw myself at him for that one quick, smack. He simply said "AH.. Okay." Out of surprised? He wasn't really expecting that, I thought...or perhaps he didn't like it one bit. I addressed my gratitude for the evening, bid him farewell and got off the car. I smiled as I shut the passenger door.

A peck on the cheek? SRSLY Vic? Well, it felt nice. I like it. Bahala na siya kung di nya magustuhan.... :)

My apologies for not introducing the guy. I didn't even gave him an appropriate appellation. Hmmm...this is hard. I'm thinking of Cheeks, since he's the first guy I've kissed on the cheek. Yeah...I should call him Cheeks, just for the sake of kwento, he shall be known as Cheeks. ;)

Never Leave Your Heart Alone

(Singing with Butterfly Boucher)

These past days I've been talking to a lot of people. Mostly guys I've been texting and chatting with for quite some time now. Some were guys I met from PR, while some were from the blogs. It's been a pleasant week to just spend time with people and be connected with. It has truly been a pleasure to be intimate with another guy beyond the physical means and exchange of bodily fluids. And I must say more gratifying than the latter.

I'm also starting to have a better appreciation for myself. I've been getting compliments right and left, and honestly I've almost forgotten what it's like to be appreciated for simply being who I am. Someone has been commending me and my writing skills; he finds this blog of mine poetic. I actually don't agree with him, telling him he should see more blogs and read more entries out there; people I'm following are remarkable writers, and far better writers than I am. If I know better, they could be making a living or a career out of their journals. And when it comes to "story telling", I really think I suck at it. haha!

Someone also told me that he likes my blog compared to those I've been showing him. Well, I've been showing him blogs of those better writers, but he insists that he likes mine better. Hindi raw kasi "bastos" yung akin (waaaw...a huge compliment for me to be honest). Honestly natuwa ako dun, knowing myself, I do have a bastos side of me. I can openly discuss my sexcapades to a random chatter, and be not embarrassed about it. Not exactly proud, but I do admit to facts and truths, and sometimes I do get a little overboard (nagawa ko rin namang magpost sa forum ng maliliit na detalye) . But those naughty kwento are now reserved only for personal sharing. I'm watching myself now, getting my act altogether. Being more responsible? And why not? :)

I'm on the road to a decent life. It's what I've been working on all these years. Unfortunately, I got a little sidetracked, some detours which only led me to roadblocks and dead ends. Now, I'm working hard to getting back on track. The first thing to work on is myself, which is what I've been struggling with for the past months. Second would have to be the connection with those around me; forging friendships, making them stronger. When it comes to threading a new line with a stranger, caution and honesty works best.

So now, I'm going for a trip, and I'll be updating this blog whenever I get the time. When I do find the time, I'll try to draft an entry or two. Consider this a farewell note, especially addressed to certain people whom I've connected with these past days. Thank you for the time we've been given, for the chance we've taken. Keep in touch, and see you again soon.

I'm off! :)

An Honest "No" Would've Done the Trick

This is a recall of my Thursday, June 2nd:

Got a Kwento to Tell

(ang conyo no?)
Who wants to hear a kwento? I feel like telling one, but I don't feel like blogging about it. So, I simply thought for those who want to go kwentuhan with me, maybe we could share stories over a few shots? Whatcha think? ;)

Point of No Return

And it's not about orgasms. This entry was intended to be a reply comment to Ron's post. Eh, just a few days ago I've been mulling the same sentiments in my head as I lie still in bed... bored out of my wits. So here goes:

Yung konsepto ng "Break kung break", lately ko lang naintindihan ng lubos. Dati kasi nabanggit sa kin yun ni M na hindi siya yung tipong nakikipagbalikan sa taong nakipagbreak kahit na matindi pa rin yung feelings nila para sa isa't isa. Once pinakawalan daw siya, there's no going back. Kaya nung ako hiniwalayan nya, alam kong di na kami pwedeng magkabalikan pa.

Pero aminin ko na minsan, naiisip ko "what if magkabalikan pa kami?" or napapaisip ako ng mga eksena na tinatangka namin magkabalikan pa.

Naalala ko lang... ako nga pala ung nasaktan nung nagkahiwalay kami...so bakit ako tong nag-iimagine na magkakabalikan kami? AKO dapat ang nagsasabing "Break kung break". There's no point in going back, it makes no sense. BAkit ka nga ba babalik sa taong nanakit sayo diba? Kahit na sabihin pang mahal mo siya, dapat mas mahalin mo sarili mo. 

Eto, hindi ko ipagkakailang may pinaghuhugutan. Maitatanggi ko pa ba sa haba ng comment na ito? hehe. So once again, I've decided to make this as an entry sa blog. haha!

Move on na dapat sa kada kapalpakan. Wala ka namang masosolusyunan pa kung lingon ka nang lingon sa nakaraan. Forward is all there is to it.

Oh and wag makipagbalikan sa ex. Bigla ko lang natandaan ngayon, isa yun sa top advices ko nung nasa hayskul pa lang ako. Yun ang isa sa lagi kong payo sa mga kaibigan ko noon, na kapag iniwan ka wag mong habulin. The fact na nagawa ka nilang iwan just means that those people are not good enough for you.

A Fish in the Sea - Part 2

So I think I suck at making kwento, transcribing it at least. I even failed to characterize the characters in this kwento. Hah! So for a quick review: I joined my Brother and his pals for a weekend vacation in a far away province, with unlimited access to the beach. My brother's girl friend took us in with the help of her relatives. One of the relatives was Mr.Fisherman.(click here to check the first part).

Stream 2011-05-24

"mature sa salita, hindi sa gawa"
echoing in my head
me rolling on the bed
Childish, naive, skeptic, cynic
bored, lazy, whatever
















Bleeeeh.
Oh spring, why can't you start the cleaning?

FB Archive

I'm starting to hate this FB chat archive. I rarely go online on fb chat, kasi kadalasan e naiwas lang ako sa ilang tao na makachat. Pero tonight, I didn't notice I was online. And then I see M is online as well, dun sa left side with minute thumbnails. Naisip ko lang masilip profile nya so iyon yung na-click ko, not knowing that it will only launch the chat box.

At dun lumitaw ang aming long lost chat archive...nung month before ng breakup namin, when were still throwing hugs and kisses for each other.

It's just crappy that FB has to remind me of a past that -...
I will forever look back to that part of my life as the lie that fooled me. Or the truth that I shouldn't have trusted my heart with.

Either way, I'll forever resent that things had to end unhappily.

5 Things About Me 2011-05-20

1. I feel awkward hearing people say "PLU", or whispering "people like us" in a conversation. Why can't you just say "other gay people"?
2. It's an eyesore to see people forcing to fit themselves in clothing 5 sizes smaller than their actual body mass. Notice those people who go out in a size 29 skinny jeans when they're actually 229lbs? And you could just see E-VER-RY CURRV-UH on their body...as in every unnecessary cleavage (a.k.a butt cracks, self-induced bilbil, and whatnot).
3. Bulges are supposed to be seductive, not horrific. A lot of boys out there wear these ill-fitting khakis or plaid skirtsshorts, again, a size smaller than they are. You could just notice their awkward bulges in a puff, without even looking downwards. This is worse among chubby or overweight individuals. They disgust me, seriously.
4. I'm no fashionista. I wear what I feel like wearing for the day. But I make sure I have clothes on appropriate for the occasion.Same with people I go out with, I prefer they wear something simple and not too flashy (kundi magmumukha akong underdressed. hehe)
5. I like being at home, and I must say I'm an excellent host. I like hosting house parties, and by party I mean a lunch or dinner for a group of friends. I'm not a party person, as in clubbing and disco. Afternoon cocktails, homecooked dinner, or potluck lunch at my place is more my thing. Gathering for friends for a good chat and scrumptious meal is more of my deal.

Of Intellectual Conversations

I've been back in PR for the past week already. Yes, I signed up a second account out of boredom. It's been a fast paced, uhm, socializing I must say.

Anyhow... I enjoy reading profiles. Then I came across this guy's profile declaring he only likes intellectual conversations but hates hi-hello and thinks it is stupid. I can't help it but send a message, I wanna check what's under the hood of this guy.

The conversation I believe was just starting. I hit the Send button for my reply, but was caught off guard. The jerk blocked me. First time ko, kaya gulat ako. Honestly, I'm quite pissed. One, it's rude to block a conversation just like that. Two, he thinks too highly of himself, and that he's too good for a simple hi. I resent such jerks. Now, I'm wondering how does this guy even strike a conversation? May kagat-labi? With a wink? Or perhaps with a song? Oh, he's good then. Now I'm thinking he's the kind of person na masyadong nahuhumaling sa idea ng pick up lines, someone who take down notes from tv or from comedy bars.

Maybe I'm just over-reacting. But I hate this guy's guts.

Bringing M Home

Here's a screen cap of a comment to a post: 

After reading Sean's post, it had me reminiscing about M. Kwento ko lang ung time na nag-overnight siya sa bahay ko. :P


We've only been dating for a couple of weeks only but practically see each other everyday. We usually stay out  late, 7pm-2am everyday and we've spent friday nights at his home already.Yes, he has introduced me to his mom (being an unico hijo, his mom outed him way back).Well, those couple of weeks, felt like a month already.

Things were really going well between us, and I felt more open to him than I've ever been with any other guy, that I planned a weekend for us to spend at home - my home. We timed it with our JabbaWockeeZ date to have a good alibi (sa bahay namin kasi, kailangan reasonable at di pwedeng bara bara). Alibi namin nun sa parents ko:

nanood kami ng JabbaWockeeZ show kaso lagpas dorm curfew na natapos, e walang tutuluyan si M so niyaya ko na muna siya dito magstay. 

This was actually a good alibi because my brother was with us the whole evening (I will tell you about the JabbaWockeeZ date some other time). My mom had no issues whatsoever with it, but my dad was like a cop. But I'm good with lying that I don't simply make up stories.

Dad: Sino kasama mo? 

VS: Ah si M po. (boy)Friend ko from [a school along E.Rod](true).

D: O? Magkaiba pala kayo school e, paanong n-

VS: (cutting dad off) through common friend. Classmate nya ung isang classmate ko nung college, and isang classmate ko nung high school (this part is true). We got introduced (this however, is not :P). 

D: E bakit mo kasama?

VS: ha? Barkada ko (buddy?:P).

D:Barkada mo, e magkaiba kayo school?

VS:Thru common friends nga.

D: Kahit na. Bakit naman dito pa makikitulog?

VS: E kasi past curfew na sa dorm nya (true), late na natapos ung show(not true), nagdinner pa kami (dun kami late natapos).

D: Bakit di siya dun sa mga kaklase nya siya makitulog? Bakit kaw pa nag-alok ng tutulugan?

VS: Uhm, kasi ako ung may bahay? Dormers din ung classmates nya (true).

D: SO bakit siya nagpagabi pa?VS: Para makanuod. And ako rin kasi nagyaya sa kanya (making my dad think of the show).

During the interrogation, M was already in the guest room getting comfy. When I got to follow to the room he was sitting at the edge of the bed and asked what took me so long. "Naimbestigador :P" 'ka ko. He had a worried look on his face and said sorry. I brushed his apologies aside and assured him it was nothing.

But honestly, I dunno what's up with my dad. I'm used to his inquiries, like how he ask about stuff, I know that he's not simply asking but he's actually getting his head around the picture. But this time, I'm not sure if he got a good shot of the picture.

M: Hey, what are you thinking?

VS: ... (turns out I was standing there for seconds)

M: Ano iniisip mo? Something wrong?

VS: Huh? (finally snapped out of it)

M: 'lika na nga dito!

With that wry grin of his, I just had to slide in to his arms for a tight embrace. Tired from the weeks load, school load, we dozed off.

The next morning we had breakfast together with my family. I had to introduced him to my siblings for they didn't see us come home the previous night. My parents were busy with their usual morning chat, while my siblings divided the broadsheets among themselves. And as for me, I resisted any urge of being maaruga to M.

Once finished with our meals, we went back to the guest room to get him ready. He took a bath, and  I even had the compulsion of getting in the shower with him, but I didn't for it's too risky (and we haven't showered together yet). I did get a little naughty when he was dressing up... delayed his trip way home.

Some Sentimental Feeling

Of Bad Habits

1. I sleep late, even if I'm free to go to bed early.
2. I smoke, not occasionally. Only when I'm awfully drunk with heavy smokers, I take a puff or two.

I think I've got more, definitely a lot more. But it's not really that easy to lay it all out in a list. Stick a little longer and you may witness a couple more.

Sheer Boredom

I'm out of town for the weekend and I got a call from a guy I haven't met this morning. Small talk nung una. Off daw nya at wala magawa. Alam mo kung ano idea nya para pamatay bagot? Makitambay raw kasama ako. Nasa Katipunan,QC siya. Ako naman ay nasa province, a good 2 hour drive up north. Willing siyang bumiyahe (I'm assuming he has a ride) for two hours at makitambay dito sa province with me. 

Dapat ko bang pinaunlakan ung imbitasyon nya?

Ang weird lang kasi. Dati, bigla siya magtetext kalaliman ng gabi, magyayaya na kumain or kaya puntahan siya sa bahay niya. 12midnight magimbita ka ng estranghero sa pamamahay mo?

I just don't buy it. 

take me out drinking please.

I do wanna get drunk and chatty. Yes I am chatty when I'm tipsy.And right now, I wanna talk. Just talk and talk and more talk.

Please, have a drink with me?

A Fish in the Sea - Part 1

I've got a couple of pending entries already (such as the Ex files) but I just have to put this one down as it's been giving me kilig for days already...
Here's part 1 of 2.

Stream 2011-05-01

summer

wasn't really spectacular last time

hopeful

wanting

thirsty

this year may be a bummer as well

hopefully not.

wanting a grand vacation

or at least a short trip to the beach would suffice

as long as i quench this thirst for the sun and waves

especially of freedom
or of what's left of it

Ex Files

Lately I've been trying to come up with an entry about my last relationship, which was about a year and a half ago. But I always end up in a dead end early on with just two lines. Di ko magawang magkwento about M.

Di naman sa sensitive issue kuno, but I really don't have issues telling stories from the past. Oddly enough, I don't understand myself for not being able to relay a story about M. I did mention him in a previous entry(see number 5). But I can't seem to disclose any story about him.

Hmmm... As of now the entries I've started about him are saved as drafts. The day may come that I'll be posting them one at a time.

Re: Genetics in "Born This Way"

This is a reply to PapaJay's comment on my previous post, "Born This Way". It was too long for a comment and that I find it fit for an entry...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diabetes, Tetralogy of Fallot, Alzheimers, Trisomy 21, Depression... 

Everything is affected by genetics. Genetics is generally a predisposing factor for everything, and I do understand that. But these genes may be silent to begin with and would require a certain exposure or stimulation to be activated. Then there's also mutations. And regulatory genes, and even counter regulatory ones.

Have I been born with a cleft palate, yes, I would embrace being "Born this way". Depression is affected by serotonin levels, which may be genetically impaired, but you can't really say "Life gave birth to Death, to sorrow, and to me" and that "I'm born this way, a depressive spawn of cold and shadow", could you? 

Genes do dictate our biological makeup, and may set a template for an archetype. But I don't see myself to be "Born this way", or any other way. I just don't grasp this idea of being born a certain "way". I'm simply born - to live, to love, to learn, to explore. Living would be beyond confinement. Perhaps that's the thing with being "Born this way", it's a 3 letter pyramid that has no doors nor windows. That I cannot live with.

Born This Way

So I'm watching the latest episode of Glee, "Born This Way"...

Just a thought: I have never thought of being born this way. That's just crap for me. I wasn't born in this world in a tutu with a bow on my head. Every child was born like a blank canvas, or soft lump of clay. I don't remember telling my classmates in kindergarten that I was gay or that I like cross dressing (not that I do) for them to call me "bakla". Yes, I grew up with mean belligerent kids throwing sticks and stones - NOT literally. Their words, despite no truth in it, bruised me nonetheless.

I was not born this way, though people told me otherwise. I was that blank canvas, until people started splattering their imprints on me, just flickering their brushes with strife. A lump of clay, moulded and battered to a sculpt others deemed fitting. I was simply born to this world, not in any special way - simply born.

I might not have been this way have I been born some form of tapestry rather than a canvas, or a rock rather than clay. It's not out of regret that I'm saying these things, but I'm just saying that I never believed in that idea of being born this way. It wouldn't have been easy for other people to tamper with what I've been naturally born with.

Stream 2011-04-25

this year
not big on holidays
not really different from last year though
same old same old
except for missing family

seeing relatives
don't feel like mingling
i'd rather sleep
or babysit
at least kids don't have adult issues
just potty and booboos

parenting
no one said it was easy
but i never imagined it to be so hard
difficult
gruesome
scary
completely clueless
yet it inspires you
to be the best you can be
and raise a good person

family
you've got to love 'em
i miss mine.

You know what they say about feces in dreams...

I had a dream the other night. I was taking a dump. A huuuge, long dump. It was so real that I woke up just to check if I actually did crap in my pyjamas. Clean pjs. Whew~! 


And I went back to sleep with a hopeful grin on my face.
$_$ *kaching*!

I was once told that when you dream of feces, it symbolizes money. Never did it crossed my mind to validate this idea through research until now. As it turns out, feces may actually represent:

• a negative aspect that one dislikes or resents, especially if it is your own feces. An expulsion of filth and unwanted dirt.
• It may also pertain to someone who is anal retentive.  
• Or to see it from a medical standpoint, the body might simply telling you that there's a problem in the colon.

After doing my quick search, I think I'd settle with the medical perspective (the morning after I did take a huge dump). But it's nice to think of it as a lucky omen for wealth.

*kachingkaching*! 

Of Closets::Want to know someone better?

Get in their closet.

I've always been a snoop, which I find to be a skill of mine.

Of Kisses:: The Unforgettable

I've kissed an awful lot of guys, I think. And I've only been in a relationship with 3. Of all the kissing that I've experienced there are only five that I will never forget:

1. The very first time someone tried to kiss me. Tried, as in forcefully kiss me. I was 19 that time and I believed in the magic of the first kiss (haha! I'm so gay like that). So this guy whom I started dating obviously had a lot of experiences under his belt (figuratively and literally). He's the 2nd guy I've dated but he was the first to attempt to kiss me. He pressed his lips (and tongue) to my face. Before his lips could ever touched mine I bit my lips shut, as in tightly shut. He tried burrowing his tongue to my tightly sealed mouth, but my jaw was locked, and I was just staring how ridiculous he looked with his eyes shut.
2. My real first kiss - wasn't really magical. The lipvirginity was lost in a what was supposed to be a one-night stand. The guy was cute, being mestizo and nice set of puckers. I gave in to his teasing. It wasn't magical, but it was definitely sweet. I blushed after our lips made their introductions.That was my first authentic kiss. I blushed even more when he told me it was great; he even questioned my virginity. We kissed again, slow, sweet, and gentle. Then he introduced another - his tongue. I didn't know what to do, but he let his tongue linger and play with my lips.There wasn't any force like the one I experienced from before. His tongue play was definitely inviting, and so I reciprocated. My first french kiss.
3. The taste of cigarettes. I'm not a smoker and I'm asthmatic. I resent second-hand smoke. I like kissing, a lot by the age of 21. Then I met an older guy, who smoke a lot. As in a lot. What's interesting about this guy was that he's a great kisser. Until now, I get turned on just by reminiscing his kisses... he still has that effect on me. I still remember how his mouth taste, with all those cigarettes he's puffed. And I can never forget all those crazy make out... sigh. He's one hot kisser, and he could get me do stuff I'd normally won't do just with those kisses. Like what those cigarettes are to him, his kisses are to me - addictive.
4. Public makeouts. Like I've said in number 3, he's one hot kisser that he could make me do stuff I don't usually do. We've made out in a moving bus, where a passenger caught us and was in disbelief seeing a young guy like me and a guy in his late 30's making out like teenagers in broad daylight (tanghaling tapat!). We've also made out in a movie house, while watching Benjamin Button aged retrospectively. I wasn't really watching to begin with for I was really sleepy (imagine coming from a 16hour duty then taking an exam the next day then going out with boyfie on an all day date). His kisses were the only thing keeping me up. We sort of made out 3/5 of the movie, despite the theatre being full.Then the last public makeout was in a bookstore. Gaaaaad...it was really steamy, he got me so hard that I can't keep my hands off of him. He'd pull me close by my pants,but I'll be pushing him off but our lips were just sealed tight. We were like under a spell and that resistance was futile.He had me under his kisses.
5. making out with my then boyfie. He was half-Japanese so he has distinct Japanese features. In short, he's cute. One time we were kissing, I pulled back a bit and opened my eyes to have a look at him. His eyes were still shut. What caught me by surprise was his expecting  puckered lips. I suddenly let out a snicker which startled him and I believe kind of embarrassed him. He didn't look awful or anything hilarious. I just found it cute and sweet... he looked like a kid sipping from a plastic straw. I explained to him how cute he looked to me, but he still has this surprised and embarrassed look which I also find charming... I felt so guilty for ruining his kisses that I cupped his face with both hands and just stared at him smiling...guilty smiles. He just gave me the "ugh,okaay.." look.  I still think he's adorable, despite how we ended things.

---

P.S.

This post was inspired by Siratalaga from his Psychic Edema.

"Good morning Love"

I woke up this morning, without opening my eyes, and gave you a tight hug on your side. Apparently you've been sitting beside me reading a book, you ran your ringers through my hair in response to my hug. I let out a deep sigh, which sounded more like a grunt, and you put down your book and brushed my cheeks with your now free hand.


Good sleep?


Yeah... how long have you been up?


Almost an hour now.


Please come back to sleep with me.


You lay down beside me and snuggled closer to me, as I wrap myself in your embrace. My nose brushing your defined neck, I took a deep breath, taking in all of your scent with one inspiration...

Then I open my eyes.

...

Time to change this pillowcase.

Pruritus

Yesterday, I was experiencing some sort of blunt itch on my palms and tips of my fingers. At first I scratched it, then put my hand in my pocket (isa itong pamahiin sa paniniwalang pera ang katumbas ng pangangati ng palad at dapat mo itong ibulsa. Oo, mapamahiin akong tao). But it came to the point that I'm started to get irritated about it, because no matter how much I scratched it wasn't getting any relief.

Call it coincidence, I  received a text message which goes like this:

Trivia: "Malalaman mong gumagaling na ang sugat pag kumakati na ito. 

Kaya kung heartbroken ka, malalaman mong gumagaling ka na 

pag kumakati ka na"

I just had this straight face after reading it and looked around. "So, who would like to scratch this itch of mine?" Ang halay. But I didn't said it out loud, just in my thoughts. Pft... I'm not really feeling the that kind of itch anyway. Hindi ako ganoon mangati. Kung mangati ako, hindi kamot gusto ko... kundi mariing haplos, para walang sugat.

too much going on in my head

I've been meaning to write down stuff but I just find myself too tired to even start. Siguro mga 5 entries na sana nailathala ko the past days sa dami ng tumatakbo sa isip ko. Andyan ang career, ang mga limitasyon ko at sakripisyo, ang pagkauhaw sa buhay at pangungulila sa pag-ibig.

Okaaay, the last line might be too much and pretty exaggerated. But basically I am yearning for life. I want to travel, see places, meet people, go out on dates. I want to experience life as a 23 year old should. But I can't. One is financial reasons, one does need moolah to get to places and spend on leisure. Two, it is distracting me from my chosen career path, wherein I can't really afford a segue or detour.

Right now I can't concentrate on the things I need to focus on with all these yearnings dividing my attention. Ugh... it's quite frustrating. Perhaps I should have pushed with my initial plan of a two-year break.

(thoughts of regret? uh oh... I don't do well with regrets. I hate regretting stuff, because I rarely do.)


Hmmm.. adding regret to my list of worries now? *Sheesh*

Grateful for being busy.

...would appreciate more if I can now enjoy my summer break. please!

I've got stuff going on that keeps me preoccupied from gayness. In a way it's a good thing, especially since I'm being super single.


Oh! except for this yummy guy this afternoon in the coffee shop who kept spreading his legs, doing a spread eagle sort of thing right across my table. He seems straight enough, and yummy as an ice cream in the summer heat. Buti na lang busy ako sa readings ko that I managed not to stare at his exposed thighs (and a little effort and I swear I would have seen this eagle's treasured nest).

Oh and another thing, learned a term from my (girl)friend today. The word for today is:

UNDERSTANDING

I don't really know its etymology, but it refers to the ideal attributes of a guy according to my (girl)friend's gay friend. "Ang tipo kong lalaki ay yung understanding." and by that he meant the size of his dick. I think the proper pronunciation would be : UN-der//STAAAN-ding. Yeah, a significant pause right after the second syllable, and a prolonged third syllable (better with a wink at the end of the word).

With that said, apparently, the eagle seem understanding enough.

Duly noted.

ang init.

maliban sa panahon...

oo, pati ako nag-iinit. Pero tamang kontrol lang.

Pending Invite

I came across an old classmate's facebook page last weekend. We were classmate back in the 6th grade, and after I left that school of mine and transferred to different high school I never heard from him. Never had an idea what happened to him, except for that one time a saw him in a mall a few years ago.

We weren't really buddies back then, we were simply friendly. Can't say we're friends either, we didn't talk about personal stuff. All I remember about him was he was a pokemon geek,and an artistic,uptight snot. Well, he's not really a snot for he was neat, tidy. and he wasn't athletic or active.

Anyway... seeing his recent photos on FB... hmm, I must say, I wanna get my hands dirty with him.

He turned into this yummy dude, which was clearly shown in his topless self portraits. Plus he turned out to be an economista, working for PSE after graduating from a prestigious school.

He turned out to be gwapo. And I rarely use the term, gwapo. For me gwapo does not only govern the physical features, but also the aura one exudes. Looks, achievements and personality (in this case, aura) would be parameters for being gwapo.He's close to gwapo to say the least,  I can't tell from his cute photos if his personality developed together with his body. Is he still the pokemon uptight geek that I used to know, only sexier? Or did he turned out to be the ass who's self-absorbed with his own physique?

I've been thinking of reconnecting with him...mangangamusta ba ga.

...

Fine, I'll be straight with it...
He's cute! and I'd like to get in touch with him thru FB at least. and to see if he's actually a potential potential. I have no idea of his preference, but he looks too cute for girls. And one of his topless self-portraits is ringing a faint memory... I think I've came across that in PR.

So, there...it kind of gives me hint and a sense of hope na...Puweeedeee. *with a knowing nod*


But I haven't sent an invitation yet. I'm anxious of what would that look like, me adding him up in FB after all these years..
Should I?

Love, Sex

are inseparable.
Together, it's Magic.

Re: Quitting PR

What I was about to reply to a comment...

the irony nga naman o... nagtagal ako sa pr to facilitate getting a date, or finding that someone...

but what actually happened, was that i lost myself. I left pr not to find that someone, but to find myself. To get myself back.

and when the time is right, when i do find and establish myself, then i'd go find that someone... in planet Earth.  It'll definitely take some time - a lot actually - but if someone's meant for me, then we'll end up together no matter what...without anyone losing himself, getting lost or giving up hope.

Blast off!

FINALLY, left planetromeo.
I've actually deleted my account.

As I have been saying yesterday, Deal and be done with.


Farewell to the boys, to the men and to the bastards. I'll meet my champion someday, perhaps we'll bump on each other while jogging; share tables in the library or seats in a cafe; randomly sit beside each other in the theatre; or even set up by common friends. My chances of meeting my champion is greater in the real world than in pr. I'm giving in to the universe, and let her play with my fate.

Midnight snack

meeting up for midnight snack, that's a first.

Mapalad ka!

at may nakakamiss sayo.


hmp!

Your Appellation

I have always -

What I would have said...*

"It's all about breakfast!"

Yesterday, I disclosed to a friend how I spent most of my free time last night...

- I watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's"!

as to share with her what I did for the 14th. Then she asked what's the movie about, and I blurted,

- It's all about breakfast!


Speaking of breakfast, I had two breakfasts today - first was at 4am, and the second was around 10am. And in both occasions, I had my meal all to myself.

hmm . . .

Alone.

and as I'm writing this down, I just came to realize that I've been having breakfast alone for a long time now...
a grim realization for me. I, who love having hearty breakfast at home with the early morning rays of sunshine, together with my family; have been having cold, instant food for breakfast in the comforts of a boarding house, all by myself.

Of Honourable Men : I Long To Be

I got something more to say about marriage, love and commitment... but let's leave it at that.

"I don't date on valentines."

I was with my guy (for the record, whenever I say guy, I'm referring to heterosexual men) friends the other afternoon, enjoying light banters over a bunch of siomai. We like to enjoy siomai after our usual day, and spend a couple of minutes chatting before heading home.

For this particular afternoon, they started discussing about getting dates for the Vday. One of the guys in the group recently (if you consider 8 months as recent) broke up with his girlfriend for 4 years, and we were urging him to get a date or at least agree to a double date being set by another friend. They were discussing about terms and conditions, certain expectations, preference... when this recently single guy friend, started winking at my direction, Nodding his head, pointing his lips at me, suggesting that they hook me up as well for a Vday date.

The rest of the gang looked to me and went, "Oonga Vic! I-set up kita!".

None of my guy friends know about me liking other men, and I don't know if they have an idea or anything. It's just I have not told them myself anything about my dating preferences. (not yet!)

I looked at them and sternly said,
"Don't."

One of them had his eyebrows drawn close together, as if one is asking the other "ano raw?".

"I don't date on Valentines."

"Bakit naman!?"
"Tsong kailangan mo!"
"Di, okay tong kilala ko..."
(yeah, sabay-sabay kong narinig at nabasa sa kanilang mga mukha yang mga katagang yan. I'm that good :P)

"Basta... kung single, no dating so as not to ruin February."

But what I really wanted to say, was that I didn't want to ruin what I've gotten used to with February. Zero heartaches. I've never gone out on a date on a February, I'm either single then or I was too busy to even bother look for a date. Other than that, I've never looked at February as a month for dating. Sure it's the month of hearts, a moment for lovers. But it's more of a time for your love ones, it's being with the people you hold dear to your heart. It's not about mingling and hooking up with a potential partner, but rather spending time with your long time partner, or in my case closeSt (emphasis as to not mistake it with closet) friends.

I don't want to make a memory of lousy dates, of disappointing hookups, or of bitter heartaches out of my February. I will not risk a night of expectations, just to wake up to a morning of reality, and have for breakfast the shattered dreams of the previous night. I'd like to keep my February free of shards of broken hearts, without worries of ever hurting myself as I dance my heart out to the tunes of love.

Even if I have to dance solo.

Sun day

Your smile still lingers in my mind. You definitely made the sun in my day, brighten up my gloomy day. I'd like to bask more under your good graces, 


be thrilled by your laughter


blush with your banter


and be mesmerized by your strong gaze.


Now, now... we don't wanna rush things now, do we? I'd like to enjoy this, slow and smooth. Like that bike ride you gave me today. :)  Though I got off too soon and opted to walk... sorry. I was ...scared. Next time, I'd let you take me on a ride; just not on the "rough terrains" of Manila, eh?

See you soon. How's next Sunday?

On Social Networking:: PR, and an update.

Been busy these past couple of weeks, and I had to refrain from getting online as I needed to keep distractions at bay... which is PR.

Yes, PR eats a lot of my time especially when my hormones are at its peak (not that it has a cycle or something). What do I do in PR that consumes a lot of my time? Well, as indicated in my profile, I enjoy checking out profiles and chatting with strangers. I usually start browsing who's online, and those with a catchy headline or hot photo catches my initial fancy. Those with worthwhile entries deserve some attention, either I leave a footprint or I add them to my booklist. Then there are those who get a message from me, and it's usually a query based on their profiles.

I really enjoy talking to guys from pr. I dunno, perhaps I got used to it. That's how I actually started 4 years ago. It was G4M back in those days, and the forums was really active and flowing. I got contacts from certain threads and we'd eventually trade ym and strike a chat. If it gets interesting we'd trade landlines and continue the chat over the phone, which I've always found more comfortable and convenient. Not only it's easier to talk, but you get better assessment of the stranger with his tone and the emotions manifested by his voice.

Up to this day, I prefer exchanging a few emails, then if we're both online i'd prompt exchange of chat ids. Then if it gets more interesting I'd trade digits. Thanks to globe's unlicall, it makes it even more convenient. I'm still busy with stuff so I don't get to take every invitation for a meet up on an impulse. yeah...that is the only thing that's keeping me from going around town.
*tsk.

On staying SUPER: a Siamese or an Akita

Been thinking of it a lot lately...
To go on hiatus or hibernation. or something.
Basta, I want to silence this part of me for awhile.

I want to stop looking at boys, or playing with men; not a single glance, nor a flirty remark.
I just want to stay SUPER single. as in SUPER single. ugh.

Can someone give me a pet? A cat, or a puppy. or even a plant. Any living thing that would benefit from my affection.

(Oh crap. I don't like how that came out...fuck the word).

Basta... i want a pet that would benefit from me. hmm... argh.


I'm no good with words now. basta. PET please!

with Friends: Stay close.

I want to be there for you as your friend...




but without betraying myself.
For now, I'm doing my best to settle things with myself. But please, don't go wandering off...
It kind of hurt (very slightly) to think that you're staying away as I'm [sort of] struggling with my [not-so-intense] feelings for you.

Basta. I want us to be good friends. Give me time and I'll be able to settle things down. Just, keep in touch. I hate to think that you're evading  me or something. Please, don't. It'd just be hurtful. Well, a little bit.

I guess I shouldn't have said anything in the first place...

On Kisses&Boys : K>F

What I should have said...K trumps F.

On Fate, horoscopes, and holy schmolly: New Year Brings

I tried the Phrases 4 fun app in facebook, the "New Year will Bring ____ in ur Life?". Interesting enough, I got "LOVE" on my first hit and posted it on my wall. Being the sceptic and cynic that [I believe] I am, I gave it another round and got "SUSPENSE". Quite confused, I hit it again and got "Suspense" the second time. Suspense is a little vague and I thought I might get some clarifications if I give it a hit the fourth time. Got "Love" for the second time. 

It's Love vs. Suspense, tied at a score of deuce. I just can't settle with a tie, so I had to see it to the end who'd win in a match of 5...

*click*

*drum roll*

Waw. So the new year will bring me Love-suspense-suspense-love in exact order... Yet in the end, will leave Sadness behind. Something to look forward to, don't you think?

Sigh...
I should have settled with "Love".