Tell me something I can hold on to forever and never let go.

Forever and ever...

No letting go...walang bibitaw...

Those were his words... back when he and I, were a we, an us.

But since our parting, he only left me with these words - words I couldn't deny holding on to for the dear life (or love) out of me:

Whenever a guy professes his love for me, it always set off something like an internal clock, a ticking timer, a countdown to an end. For reasons I never understood, but that's how it has always been even with him. His only advantage was, I made myself believe in our fairy tale affair, with his declarations of everlasting love - of a Forever. I held on to his words for as much as I could... until today.

It has been more than a year, and I would like to hear from him again - his words that I shall forever honour and hold on to... only this time, I want to hear it differently, to hear something more...

: Tell me something I can hold on to forever and never let go.

:: Let go. 

Leap Year

2016 is a special Leap Year, with the a skip on the calendar dates in the middle of the February.

*sigh*....

Pardon me, just couldn't put down my thoughts into words.

My head's all in a clutter, I feel stuck on a gutter.

Oh bummer.

V - 03.1

14 February 2014

Vday plan was simple -

V - 01

5 February 2014

As promised, I'm going to cook dinner for us.
However I got out late from work,
then we got to meet half an hour past expected
We (well, you - since you're driving) hurried to get (us) home
It's already eight past quarter, as we entered our door
Oh, luckily my brother got the meat out to defrost
unfortunately we ran out of gas for the stove
But hooray for the electric stove, tho we only have one
Could only heat a pan at a time, hence prolonged cooking time
took on the sauce first, since it'd be longer to cook
but it was easier, with a little help from you
What I really liked about it, was you by my side
and that particular moment you hugged me from behind
and gave me a peck, one at a time
Now for the noodles, which I thought would be quick
but to our dismay, took longer than expected
a filled up pan, would take long to boil
So as to kill time, we found something else to toy ;)
Finally after two hours we finally got to sit down and eat
enjoy my recipe, as per request, your bolognese
We ate till we felt full, to the delight of our tummies
This, my dear, I give to you for Valentines
My love for you, for all times.

V - 02

It's on the television; you see those red decors hanged up in the mall; your colleagues talk about their dinner plans this coming Friday.

Yes, it's Valentines day. A celebration of love, a salute to Eros, a feast exclusively for two, a milestone between couples. Well, people usually come up with grand schemes of confession of love for another; or take this opportune time to take a lover's hand and propose for marriage. 'Tis the season of aroused emotions, at their peak of passion. 

Valentines day.

Hm... oh wait, what do I have for Friday?

Vday never bothered me this much.

Ako lang ba ang malungkot nitong valentines day?
Boo hoo...

SAD

What's with all those hearty decorations plastered on walls, dangling from chandeliers? Ang aga namang celebrasyon nyan, hindi ba?

It's like a countdown...
"You still have 2 days left to find a date for the V day!"

*smirks*

Hmmm... Great. so they've extended the Single Awareness Day.

"I don't date on valentines."

I was with my guy (for the record, whenever I say guy, I'm referring to heterosexual men) friends the other afternoon, enjoying light banters over a bunch of siomai. We like to enjoy siomai after our usual day, and spend a couple of minutes chatting before heading home.

For this particular afternoon, they started discussing about getting dates for the Vday. One of the guys in the group recently (if you consider 8 months as recent) broke up with his girlfriend for 4 years, and we were urging him to get a date or at least agree to a double date being set by another friend. They were discussing about terms and conditions, certain expectations, preference... when this recently single guy friend, started winking at my direction, Nodding his head, pointing his lips at me, suggesting that they hook me up as well for a Vday date.

The rest of the gang looked to me and went, "Oonga Vic! I-set up kita!".

None of my guy friends know about me liking other men, and I don't know if they have an idea or anything. It's just I have not told them myself anything about my dating preferences. (not yet!)

I looked at them and sternly said,
"Don't."

One of them had his eyebrows drawn close together, as if one is asking the other "ano raw?".

"I don't date on Valentines."

"Bakit naman!?"
"Tsong kailangan mo!"
"Di, okay tong kilala ko..."
(yeah, sabay-sabay kong narinig at nabasa sa kanilang mga mukha yang mga katagang yan. I'm that good :P)

"Basta... kung single, no dating so as not to ruin February."

But what I really wanted to say, was that I didn't want to ruin what I've gotten used to with February. Zero heartaches. I've never gone out on a date on a February, I'm either single then or I was too busy to even bother look for a date. Other than that, I've never looked at February as a month for dating. Sure it's the month of hearts, a moment for lovers. But it's more of a time for your love ones, it's being with the people you hold dear to your heart. It's not about mingling and hooking up with a potential partner, but rather spending time with your long time partner, or in my case closeSt (emphasis as to not mistake it with closet) friends.

I don't want to make a memory of lousy dates, of disappointing hookups, or of bitter heartaches out of my February. I will not risk a night of expectations, just to wake up to a morning of reality, and have for breakfast the shattered dreams of the previous night. I'd like to keep my February free of shards of broken hearts, without worries of ever hurting myself as I dance my heart out to the tunes of love.

Even if I have to dance solo.