Uma Pitada de Sol e um Vislumbre de Esperança

During my Marinduque getaway, a lot has been settled in my mind after spending a whole day doing nothing. Taking a few laps in the open waters, sipping freshly concocted mojitos, and sitting by the shore....aaaah, a clean break from all my worries.

"You have to allow a certain amount of time in which you are doing nothing in order to have things occur to you, to let your mind think" - Mortimer Adler

Admission

For some unthinkable reason, I miss Jjampong more than ever. But not the yearning type of missing. I just plainly miss him. Everyday for the past weeks, despite the stuff I'm dealing with, he'd slide in to thought. Even when there were days that I don't consciously remember him, there's that feeling that I have drained myself thinking of him. I did dream of him once this month but a very faint and vague one at that, the type you'd forget the moment you wake up.

Unthinkable I say, for we had no contact since...well, the break up, and it's been more than a year ago. He did reply to my birthday greeting last August, a brief "Thanks.". No word since then until someone notified me he's off to another country for a short business trip; to which I couldn't help myself but text him a farewell. I'm completely on a social media block out, as I figured since he blocked me from Facebook.  Not a single trace of him, even through common friends - I guess they're doing us a favor or some sort.

I miss him, I just do. I can't deny that. I'm simply acknowledging that.

Besides that... there's one thing that's worth to be acknowledged. Surprising as it seems, as it caught me off-guard. I blurted it out to myself, not too loud for anyone to hear...

"Given another chance, I'd fight for your love. No letting go this time...never."

How to Break Up?

Well, you cannot definitely ask us that.

Because we simply don't know how. *shrugs shoulders*

We actually tried for a couple of times as of this writing, I think thrice already. But we simply couldn't go through with it. That becomes a problem if both of you want the same thing - to be together. 

14th-15th-16th

It was an hour almost midnight on the eve of the 14th, but He insisted that he see me despite the late working hours.

A surprise, indeed, for our celebration of the 15th. 

We don't really count, but he remembered we're on our 16th month.

To my sweet chinito, I'love love you always.

Chega de Saudade

Jj has been on a long weekend vacation, and tonight he's coming back to Manila. Sayang bukas ko pa siya makikita.

Mas se ela voltar, se ela voltar,
Que coisa linda, que coisa louca
Pois há menos peixinhos a nadar no mar
Do que os beijinhos que eu darei
Na sua boca, dentro dos meus braços
Os abraços hão de ser, milhões de abraços
Apertado assim, colado assim, calado assim
Abraços e beijinhos e carinhos sem ter fim
Que é pra acabar com este negócio de você
Viver sem mim. Não quero mais este negócio

 Sadayng sabik sa iyo :P

15,11,3,8,7,1

Early out from work, how fortunate
matched with your schedule
You picked me up from work
A routine drive for you

At the office lobby, the usual pick up spot
With my things, stuffed in the backseat
I take the passenger seat, beside yours
Doors locked, seat-belt secured

A kiss on the cheek, my usual greeting
Our eyes lock, I usually take a pause and stare
You break off first, as always
then look back, "Why?" wrinkled on your forehead

I gauge your face, grade it with either a smirk or smile
Usually, I just kiss you again to appease
Then we drive off, "Whereto?" as always
"Anywhere with you" as you always say

But we usually head home first
to run my errands, you drive me around
Same ol' chores, laundry, pack more clothes
Then we head out for dinner

But having an early out from work
being home 5 in the afternoon
It was too early for dinner
especially for you with your late lunch

"No need to hurry", you say
Oh, but what to do, where to go
We're home alone, the place to ourselves
We kiss, and lock hands

Passion unleashed, got ourselves spent
it gets raunchier each time
It always end in satisfaction
gratification both achieved

It was about an half an hour more or less
We hurried dressing up, had to make haste
For one is throwing tantrums, demanding indulgence
Displeased, my tummy lets out a deep growl

We set out, back on the streets, off to anywhere
Nothing elaborately planned
Just a casual dinner for two
A meal to satisfy our insatiable hunger

Off to our usual location, Maginhawa
A strip of choices, we had to check each one
"We ought to try Sweet Spot", you suggested
But we ended up to some place else

An inviting menu, we ordered 3 dishes
Pininyahang manok, sisig linguine and lamb kaldereta
Your typical viands, with twist in concoction
Each dish delightful, together beyond delectable

Might call it food porn, ravishing to the senses

and as we document our little banquet

took note of the date, eleventh month of the year

A Friday the fifteenth

"11 minus 3?" I asked

"Eight", you said

I stared at you for a moment

waiting for a spark in your eyes

Our usual dinner for two

nothing planned ahead

We simply meet after work, and drive around

til we call it a day, and you take me home

A usual evening for us, nothing special

nothing requiring a fete, or commemoration

Or we simply didn't take note

Of a mark we've achieved together

"Eleven minus three, is eight." in a may-I-remind-you tone

"Di ko gets..." you give up so easily

I set it aside, I'll just wait till it sink in

"Basta, eight."

You drive me back, and parked the car

You unbuckled our seatbelts and pulled me in for a hug

That was the only thing unusual through the evening

It was such a sweet feeling, being pulled in for an embrace

"Halika nga dito..
I had a bad dream the other day

In my dream you left me"
You whisphered, filled with worry

I break from the hug momentarily

looked straight into your eyes

and dive back into your embrace

"11-3=8"

"Hm, I love you?" you and your savvy smile

"Eight nga e." I laughed in my head, 

He laughed, "Sorry hindi ko talaga gets" 

You're hopeless, and I gave in

I'm not great in math, but I'm quite fond of numbers

Patterns, formulas, definitions

What does 11 and 3 possibly stand for aside from numbers?

"November is eleventh" that should be enough for a clue

Then it dawned me, shit it was the 15th and it's our 8th month being together 

Finally, you get me.

But I don't really take note of these things

It's not marked on my calendar, nor set in my planner

It's something we don't celebrate.

No need for us to be guilty, or ashamed for not remembering

that's the beauty of it, we simply live it

Like how the sun sets, or the rain falls, or the moon fulls

At those exact moments, no matter how brief, do we fully appreciate it

We are living the love we have

it's not set in stone, marked on our walls

We happen to be together for the eight month

Not like a pact we've set, nor a contract signed

We live the love we have

and we celebrate it everyday

over shared meals, and stories

simple kisses, to titillating lovemaking

Our love for each other thrives today

For eight months, it's been growing, glowing

It flourished, in turn nourishes our passion

For life, ourselves and for each other

Fifteenth day of November

Eighth month since March

Three words plus seven letters

Only meant for one, You

Weekend Getaway :: Up North

August 9 to 11, 2013 - a long weekend. 

Lovedrunk

I always knew that alcohol is a downer, and having sex while drunk is just not possible. haha!

Until last night :P

Quatrième

I don't know how to celebrate monthly anniversaries, I was never a fan of such. It does not appeal to me as a merry occasion, but more of a dreaded countdown, marking the calender to the end.

Well, it just came to my attention that we are currently on our fourth month. :) It slipped my fancy since we're practically together everyday; how every time we have dinner outside, or when we stay in and just watch downloaded movies or series, it's considered a date. I don't like to say that "how time flies", or "that felt like a year"... those are unworthy expressions and don't fare fair with my truest feelings. I'd be totally fine if the world's revolution slows down if that meant having longer moments with you, and added minutes of joy. Hmm, I wouldn't mind being stuck in time with you. 

This is uncharted terrain if I must say, not just for me but for both of us. A few months back, I was holding my doubt and fears... but now, I have your hands clasped in mine. I now carry with me your love.

Quality Time

Taking advantage of the holiday, we spent the night together. At past midnight, he picked me up from work and we checked ourselves in for 12 hours of high quality time. 

He always remind me I'm the type who's hard to please (mataas daw standards ko and expectations). But with him, I'm completely in contentment. He's my happiness, in its pure essence - my joy. He gives me pleasure in so many levels (and yes, I mean in sooo many levels, and positions. haha!)

Though we started a little rough, one may even call it booty calls, things turned out unexpectedly. For one, he's never dated a guy before. Second he didn't think he'd engage in a homosexual relationship; he's not even  turned on by just any stud. But each moment we spent together, summates our existence, and forges a bond. Eventually, he grows in to you, and you in him. Multiply that by how much time you spend together, who could blame you for falling for each other. And that we did.

Hihi. 

(Malanding hagikgik lang to lite things up.)

By the way, I've taken a mile step in my life. I told my mom about me and Jjampong - kung paano ko ginawa, at ano kinahinatnan, kwento ko na lang sa next post. We're already checking out of the hotel. hehe...tama na overtime. :P

On the Passenger Seat

As he was driving through the eskinitas of Manila in this warm summer evening, I couldn't help myself but watch how the street lights and incoming headlights outline his face. I could barely see his eyes through those chink lids and the lights bouncing off his spectacles.

His glance draws towards my side; I quickly look away. Meeting his eyes would be my doom - I'd loose composure and would simply blush and melt, and gently slide myself to his right arm, and cling to him tightly like any clingy pubescent in love. I'm sure he'd like that, and would let go of the gear shifter and rather hold my hand.

One block after the other, I cannot stop staring at him. He notices and catch me looking. His stare finally caught me. I flash him a guilty look with my puppy dog eyes. I run my left hand over my left thigh and extend my left fifth digit, aiming for his right hand gripping the gear shifter. Our pinkies brush pleasantries, and  welcomes my subtle gesture. We lock pinkies, and both let out a sigh... well, he also let out a short soft giggle - I guess I'm not the only one keeping his cool.

"Anak di ba kayo nagugutom?"

Somewhat startled, we break contact. I look behind at the backseat to answer mom's query...

VS: Gutom na ko... Morato?

Like those teenagers in love, we snicker at each other.

On Fucking Labels :: How You Hold Me Draws Me Closer (Wrap Up)

... Satisfied na ako na fucking friends tayo. Ayoko ng long courtship.

How You Hold Me Draws Me Closer (Part 2)

October rains were really heavy.

...

...

How You Hold Me Draws Me Closer (The Beginning)

So, for the past month, I've been dating RD, a native of Davao. RD is actually 8 years my senior and he's currently in his 3rd year of law school. Initially we traded digits from PR, and been sending random sms since then for about a month, before we finally decided to meet up.

Gusto mo ba ako maging boyfriend?

VS: Hmm, No. 

RD: Oh, okay.

and just like that, I wrapped up a DTR (define the relationship).

*foreheadpalmslap*

PS

I'll make kwento about it. i think i need to hear some comments, or a view from different perspectives. Anyone?

A Quickie

as much as I'd like to have a long discourse about sex, I can't -  for the lack of time, creativity and energy,. oh and libido.

I'd simply would like to declare that, I WOULD LIKE A HOT FUCKING GOODSEXY TIME.

But...
I can't.

Because when I start going down on business....
I lose...

"focus".

It's actually a realization, that when I go for a hookup, I kind of bail out, or umaagtras ang libog, on the last minute. Call it hang up, inhibition, indecisiveness...
I simply call it, "Not meant for me".

I do get horny most of the time. My libido spikes up that it drives me rabid. But in the end, a reckless hookup doesn't drive me to the edge. I may yearn for flesh, for heat, for ecstasy, orgasm to the brink of eternity... But without romance and passion to drive me uphill and push me off the edge, they're all but naught to me.

The Fuss About Libido

What I should have said... I'm FREAKING FUCKING HORNY.

I dunno, but my sex drive is on full throttle, and I think it has something to do with my increased appetite and food intake this week. It's either that, or I have a tumour in my head.

Once again I've correlated food with sex! I've been eating up this week, and by the middle of the week I started heating up as well. I feel sexier when I wake up in the morning, in the shower, while dressing up, while stripping down, before going to sleep, and even in the middle of sleep. Sexified? The weekend was quite a torture - all by myself, with nothing to do! My idle mind had the workplace for the Devil comparable to that of Santa's workshop in the freezing North Pole - only mine was all about a scorching frig.

I could have simply jerk myself off. But I resisted. For me, it was not simply about spilling seeds, or easing tension because after every wank I'd still feel a lot of juices left. Persistent friction could result to serious chaffing, you know! It even crossed my mind to search online for a fuck, or wander off in the dark streets of Manila, to cruise public toilets and/or cinemas, and even to check out a certain fiery gay club. Basically, listed outlet options. But I've pondered on each idea and realized that I'm not willing to do any of that now, either being on the safe side or out of hesitations.  Like I've said, it's simply not about doing the deed. I'm not really sure... but there's this feeling of yearning. For a fuck? Perhaps. But but it's more than a compulsion, beyond this physical exploit. A longing for passionate intimacy?

Hmmm...
Then again, I firmly believe that the voracious appetite and surging sexual urges are strongly connected. With the increased caloric intake, it would suffice the necessity for greater energy expenditure. What do you think?



(p.s. If I'm not mistaken, it's a first to have jerk, wank, fuck, dick, horny,urges,  and a lot of sex, in one entry. As well as descriptives for food, i.e. juices, seeds, voracious, intake, but were used for sexual innuendos. I must be really horny and hungry both at the same time. Sheesh.)

"Good morning Love"

I woke up this morning, without opening my eyes, and gave you a tight hug on your side. Apparently you've been sitting beside me reading a book, you ran your ringers through my hair in response to my hug. I let out a deep sigh, which sounded more like a grunt, and you put down your book and brushed my cheeks with your now free hand.


Good sleep?


Yeah... how long have you been up?


Almost an hour now.


Please come back to sleep with me.


You lay down beside me and snuggled closer to me, as I wrap myself in your embrace. My nose brushing your defined neck, I took a deep breath, taking in all of your scent with one inspiration...

Then I open my eyes.

...

Time to change this pillowcase.

Duly noted.

Love, Sex

are inseparable.
Together, it's Magic.