Streaming 2013-12-30 :: I wish you'd just hold me tight

Its been weeks of being in this state - of being clingy. a side of me I'm still getting to know, and so far I'm not fond of it.

 Its sickening, my body is rejecting it. But no matter how I induce it, I can't simply spit it out.

I can't shake it off... And I've been trying my best to be in control of it, but my strength seem to falter. I'm losing my composure...

OA lang ba ako... ? Ganito ba talaga?  I have never been this far in a relationship... And I'm scared that I might do something wrong that would just wreck everything.

It's been easy to engage in a relationship...but I'm not as equipped as I thought I was for a commitment.

I'm scared... That I might have a wrong grasp of things, of Truth not being by  my side.

By the Garden Swing, We Pour Ourselves Another Drink

21 December 2013

Clingy Diaries: His Words Sealed the Box of Sanity

Le boyfie always thinks he's not good with words, but he underestimates himself.

Clingy Diaries: His Words Seared Through the Box of Sanity

With an idle mind, a lonesome mood, a clingy person gets irrational and overly sensitive to his surroundings.

All I Want For Christmas 2013

I forgot to come up with my annual wishlist for this year :( My wishlists are very particular and detailed. I suggest that you don't refer to it kung ako ang nabunot mong regaluhan. (marami na nagreklamo sa wishlist ko, pagod na ko ipaliwanag ang side ko. haha).

Today, I was out for lunch and shopping with my (non-biological) sister and Jjampong. She was back in the country only for a week, and this was a good opportunity for the two dearest persons in my life to spend some time together. Sila lang pala nagshopping, ako naglilista lang sa isip ko ng wishlist. Timely naman na pagcheck ko, e tagged ako ni Aris.

So here goes

Clingy Diaries: Surprise Visit

It was the 18th, I asked him to meet me, but he wasn't feeling well and decided to go home. So I decided to go to him instead. I took a cab and went to him. On the way I called him, to let him know that I'm on my way to his place. Aba, ang sagot lang nya, "Matutulog na ko."

Grabe, natameme ako dun. And he was really serious of just going to sleep despite me being on the way. Di ko napigilan, I had to trickle some guilt powers sa pananalita ko 

Clingy Diaries: Semi-walkout

The past days, hindi talaga ako mapakali. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop.", which most often rules in me. We haven't seen each other for days, so we've set Monday, 17th to meet. But he wasn't feeling better, next day na lang daw which was fine with me. The following day, he was about to cancel on me. Di lang ako pumayag, so we met - well, may kailangan din kasi siya kunin sa bahay namin.  

Pero the whole time na magkasama kami, parang ang distant nya kahit magkatabi kami sa sasakyan; he wasn't talking to me, siguro preoccupied. The whole drive was quiet and when he dropped me off, wala man lang siyang kiss or hawak sa kamay. I couldn't bare looking at him, bumababa na lang ako ng kotse at nagmadali lumayo. That night, I was hurting. 

Hm, maselan pala ako.

Hello Clingy Me

That's all I could call myself.

Then, Death Drives

Currently on Christmas break, and it's a first for me to go on party hopping for a week.

With colleagues from work, we held our own Christmas party at one of our senior's place. Invited buong batch  pero less than 1/3 lang dumalo with some the other seniors. Mas masarap ang beer on tap kesa sa bottled. :P and the hard ones...WHEW! nagliliyab lalamunan ko... yung iba beyond Tatay level...

SO syempre, may mga nalasing ng maaga. There was this girl who got drunk early on that she kept serving drinks. Tanggerang tangger. I'm not chummy with her pero nakakatawa sya during one conversation.

Boy: " Woooh! grind it girl!" *habang pinagkikiskisan si Girl1 and Boy2*

Tanggera: "Grind??? Dude! there's this app for gay guys and it's called GRIND!"

Boy1, Boy2: " Weh?"

Me ( in my mind): GrindR kasi un.

Syempre di ko sinabi, at baka matuon pa sakin ang usapan.

Eventually knocked out cold si Tanggera, at wala pang 11pm yun. Ako sadyang kulang sa tulog, umidlip na rin muna habang naghihintay ng ibang putahe (potluck kasi, e dahil marami pang wala, onti lang choices sa food and drinks). The rest of the bacthmates arrived, still our numbers were no more than 20. I eventually woke up, back to party mode. Hanggang sa inabot na ng kalasingan ang karamihan.

Nung oras nang magsi-uwian, I ended up riding with one of the badly drunk guys.

Horrible idea.

I can't dwell on the details, basta the trip was horrible. I realized a lot in that hell ride, all came in flashes.

1. Don't drink and drive.
2. Better take a cab if you're drunk.
3. Learn to drive na, so you can drive for the drunk ones.
4. I love my boyfriend.
5. It wouldn't hurt to make a last will at 25.

Right Answers

While I was at work, being up for about 26 hours, with a few stolen winks in between. Being at work for this month has been a breeze so far. We usually chat about random stuff over lunch. Our seniors - considred as alpha female, pry on our group's personal lives.

"May girlfriend ka?"

Hypothetical Questions

One November evening, while waiting for our food to be served, she suddenly asked,

"Okay lang ba sayo kung friends pa rin kami with Jjampong kahit na break na kayo?"

Me: Bakit naman hindi? I mean, you've been hangging out with him pretty much.

She: Okay...wala lang...natanong ko lang, hypothetical lang.

I looked straight to her eye and said,

Eh kung break nga kami, tatakwil nyo ba ko for him kung ako may sala?

15,11,3,8,7,1

Early out from work, how fortunate
matched with your schedule
You picked me up from work
A routine drive for you

At the office lobby, the usual pick up spot
With my things, stuffed in the backseat
I take the passenger seat, beside yours
Doors locked, seat-belt secured

A kiss on the cheek, my usual greeting
Our eyes lock, I usually take a pause and stare
You break off first, as always
then look back, "Why?" wrinkled on your forehead

I gauge your face, grade it with either a smirk or smile
Usually, I just kiss you again to appease
Then we drive off, "Whereto?" as always
"Anywhere with you" as you always say

But we usually head home first
to run my errands, you drive me around
Same ol' chores, laundry, pack more clothes
Then we head out for dinner

But having an early out from work
being home 5 in the afternoon
It was too early for dinner
especially for you with your late lunch

"No need to hurry", you say
Oh, but what to do, where to go
We're home alone, the place to ourselves
We kiss, and lock hands

Passion unleashed, got ourselves spent
it gets raunchier each time
It always end in satisfaction
gratification both achieved

It was about an half an hour more or less
We hurried dressing up, had to make haste
For one is throwing tantrums, demanding indulgence
Displeased, my tummy lets out a deep growl

We set out, back on the streets, off to anywhere
Nothing elaborately planned
Just a casual dinner for two
A meal to satisfy our insatiable hunger

Off to our usual location, Maginhawa
A strip of choices, we had to check each one
"We ought to try Sweet Spot", you suggested
But we ended up to some place else

An inviting menu, we ordered 3 dishes
Pininyahang manok, sisig linguine and lamb kaldereta
Your typical viands, with twist in concoction
Each dish delightful, together beyond delectable

Might call it food porn, ravishing to the senses

and as we document our little banquet

took note of the date, eleventh month of the year

A Friday the fifteenth

"11 minus 3?" I asked

"Eight", you said

I stared at you for a moment

waiting for a spark in your eyes

Our usual dinner for two

nothing planned ahead

We simply meet after work, and drive around

til we call it a day, and you take me home

A usual evening for us, nothing special

nothing requiring a fete, or commemoration

Or we simply didn't take note

Of a mark we've achieved together

"Eleven minus three, is eight." in a may-I-remind-you tone

"Di ko gets..." you give up so easily

I set it aside, I'll just wait till it sink in

"Basta, eight."

You drive me back, and parked the car

You unbuckled our seatbelts and pulled me in for a hug

That was the only thing unusual through the evening

It was such a sweet feeling, being pulled in for an embrace

"Halika nga dito..
I had a bad dream the other day

In my dream you left me"
You whisphered, filled with worry

I break from the hug momentarily

looked straight into your eyes

and dive back into your embrace

"11-3=8"

"Hm, I love you?" you and your savvy smile

"Eight nga e." I laughed in my head, 

He laughed, "Sorry hindi ko talaga gets" 

You're hopeless, and I gave in

I'm not great in math, but I'm quite fond of numbers

Patterns, formulas, definitions

What does 11 and 3 possibly stand for aside from numbers?

"November is eleventh" that should be enough for a clue

Then it dawned me, shit it was the 15th and it's our 8th month being together 

Finally, you get me.

But I don't really take note of these things

It's not marked on my calendar, nor set in my planner

It's something we don't celebrate.

No need for us to be guilty, or ashamed for not remembering

that's the beauty of it, we simply live it

Like how the sun sets, or the rain falls, or the moon fulls

At those exact moments, no matter how brief, do we fully appreciate it

We are living the love we have

it's not set in stone, marked on our walls

We happen to be together for the eight month

Not like a pact we've set, nor a contract signed

We live the love we have

and we celebrate it everyday

over shared meals, and stories

simple kisses, to titillating lovemaking

Our love for each other thrives today

For eight months, it's been growing, glowing

It flourished, in turn nourishes our passion

For life, ourselves and for each other

Fifteenth day of November

Eighth month since March

Three words plus seven letters

Only meant for one, You

Better Think, Even without a Click

Twitter, facebook, at kung anu-ano pang pa-headline or status message. Lahat feeling opinonated, isusulat ang kada patutsada ng isip, magmukha lang "intellectual". 

But one should always go back to basics. Know your words, at least definitions. Better kung pati etymology and usage nacheck mo bago ka magbitaw ng salita. Well, di naman lahat English major or college graduate, so plus points na lang kung up to that extent and basics mo. Anyway...

Overrated sa akin ang twitter at status headline ng facebook. Lahat na lang gusto ibroadcast, maski ginagawa sa CR, or pinagpapantasyahan. Then lahat may venue na para makapagbigay opinion. Sige ayos lang sana. Pero kahit walang katuturan or hindi man lang pinag-iisipan, basta maisulat na kahit punahin babanat pa ng "I am entitled to my opinion." Porque sabi sa school dati, "Express your opinion - walang tama or mali sa opinion, kasi opinion mo yun e." See, mismong salitang opinion hindi madefine without using the word itself. May opinion ka nga, pero may ibig sabihin ung "there's no right or wrong" na misinterpreted na karamihan. "There's no right or wrong opinion" sa kadahilanang it is still subject for approval. Pwedeng hindi siya mali kung nasa lugar naman, pero hindi siya tama agad kung taliwas sa mga partikular na pamantayan.

Lahat gusto may maisulat. Pero bago magsulat, namnamin muna ang mga pahayag ng iba. Then kung magrereact, namnamin din ang sariling salita bago iluwa. Huwag tayong basta dura ng dura, makalat kasi. Be the human that you are... mag-isip muna.

---

P.S.

Just flexing some neurons. It's been awhile since I've written anything, uhm, lengthy.
I miss my old blogging self - like back in college.

Jaundice

A yellowish discoloration. Never did it occur to me that it is synonymous to a feeling of bitterness.
A feeling I'm not fond of... a feeling I'm not inured to...

Farewell Romeos

Time to live the fairy tale. <3

"Galit Ka Ba?"

My mom kept silent for the next three days. We weren't seeing much of each other since I was busy and mostly at work. She doesn't join us during dinner - either she's deaf focused on the tv or locked up in her bedroom. She barely glances to my direction. In the morning I still kiss her goodbye as I leave, without a single breath.

Three days of deafening silence. I had to break it sooner or later.

I got home past dinner time but just in time for the teleseryes. She's settled in the sala, with eyes fixed on the tv. I smoothly sat myself beside her looking straight at her with my pleading beady eyes, and asked her in the most carressing tone I've ever mustered...

"Galit ka ba?"

Forgetting that she was my mother, and thinking she was throwing a simple mother's tantrum; I should have just slit my throat. As if a needle dropped on the floor with a reverberating ting that stole her attention from the tv screen. Slowly turning her head, led by her darting eyes, she finally looked at me after three days. At that moment, when our eyes met, deep in my subconscious I knew I was in for trouble.

...to be continued.

"Kami."

May 2, 2013

Basically that's how I told my mom about my sexuality. Brief. Concise.

Awful.

"Nasaan si Girlfriend?"

Initally a comment to Mamon's entry, but it turned out good enough for an entry.

Ang isang tanong ay maaaring makakuha ng iba't ibang kasagutan. Depende sa pakay ng nagtatanong o sa impresyong mayroon sila sa likod ng pagtatanong.

"Bakit wala kang girlfriend?"

1. may nahuhumaling sa yo - kesyo dalaginding, muher, cougar, or sugar puffy, sila'y sadyang nang-uusisa sa pag-asang magkaisang palad kayo. Sa tono mahuhuli, "Bakit wala kang girlfrieeeend?" - malumanay at banayad, minsan pahaba, ang pagkakabigkas sa huling pantig ng "girlfriend".
2. marahil ikaw ay SSB (singleton since birth, o sadyang solo sa buhay), ni kakambal sa uma wala - "Bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend?" ang mas akmang tanong (sadyang ayaw nila ipamukha sayo ang kanilang pagkainip). Kadalasang setting: Family Gathering, Pistang Bayan, High school reunion, sa mga kasalan, binyagan, at birthday party ng inaanak. 
3. kung nagkaroon na ng girlfriend subalit matagal nang wala - katulad sa #2 ang akmang pangungusap, "Bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend?". Kadalasan mga matagal nang kaibigan o malalapit na tao na may alam ng Dating history mo ang nagtatanong nito. 
4. mga Sgt. Snoops - ang kanilang pagtatanong e may bahid na ng pangungutya. "Bakit wala ka ngang girlfriend?" kung matalas ang pandinig mo. May hinala sa maaaring kasagutan (nothing specific, really), subalit may gusto silang tugon na marinig; tipong mapahiyaw sila ng "Tumpak!"...or in most cases, "Confeeeermed!" sabay kampay sa kumare.
5. meron ding kombinasyon ng #1 at #4, fish combo meal ba ga - "Bakit hindi na lang ako ang girlfriend?", may halong fishing for answers for personal gain. Kampay ulit sa kumare sabay kagat labi.

Oh, and I've been asked before with the same question when i reached my early 20's (21 to 24) - by naive girl friends, clueless boy friends, my hopeful parents, and even some of my relatives during fiestas. Quick answer to family and relatives : "Studies and career muna." To friends and potentials: "Just haven't found the right one." -not in verbatim, but same point. My answeres then were not in evasion, but of honesty. Besides, those were the years that I focused more on myself. Call it YOLO, LOVEYOURSELF, or METIME; but these were the years I rediscovered myself and put first things that matters most.

And it ain't girlfriends nor boylets.

Weekend Getaway :: Up North

August 9 to 11, 2013 - a long weekend. 

Sugar High

I think I'm diabetic.

Boyfie's been amazingly sweet. 

• He always wakes up at 5:30 in the morning (his work is at 9AM) just to greet me a good morning and never fails to bid me a good night as well. 
• He insists to fetch me from work for the whole two months, saying "Sinusulit lang ung free time mo"
• and even offers to apply as my personal driver in the future, once I get my own Audi. (Yes, it has to  be an Audi :P)
• He always remind me of things I need not reminding of but tend to forget ( laundry, lunch, meds, going to work. haha!)
•  He always text me sweet notes every chance he gets.
• and most of his headline status in facebook (i dunno for twitter) is mostly about...me? hehe

These simple gestures are somewhat candies of his affection. The slice of a cake he's given me was when I heard from my friends that he'd chat up with them to check on me. Like this one weekend when I was out of town with my colleagues, he tried to get in contact with one of my company through a friend asking for contact details just to make sure that I've already made the trip safely.

I don't have a sweet tooth, but he's been very sweet and I appreciate that deeply. But I've also heard from some friends that he's overly sweet. haha! Nakakaumay daw. I'm not online often so I don't get to see his FB page, or his twitter everyday. I have checked his previous entries though, and from a another person's (and the other me) perspective, nakakaumay nga. :P 

I don't wish to complain,  but I already asked him to tone it down a bit, especially his public display of affection. 

... only now did I realized that I'm not really the type of guy to PDA. haha!

Lovedrunk

I always knew that alcohol is a downer, and having sex while drunk is just not possible. haha!

Until last night :P

Spoiled 2013-07-19

We were planning for a Friday night just by ourselves, "...just you and me" as we kept texting through the day.

But an unlooked for change of events came about with the sudden change of weather.

Without a Heart Attack

How I wish I can tell you how much we love each other...

how much joy he's been giving me, and how he's been helping me.

I'm excited to tell you how he introduced me to his mother and brother, how our dinner turned out, and how they thought na I was matakaw.

I would like you to meet him too, and maybe enjoy talking about cars or the stock market.

How I wsih I can tell you, how much I love him....

how much he means to me,

Dad.

How I wish I can tell you these things...  without giving you a heart attack. -_-

Quatrième

I don't know how to celebrate monthly anniversaries, I was never a fan of such. It does not appeal to me as a merry occasion, but more of a dreaded countdown, marking the calender to the end.

Well, it just came to my attention that we are currently on our fourth month. :) It slipped my fancy since we're practically together everyday; how every time we have dinner outside, or when we stay in and just watch downloaded movies or series, it's considered a date. I don't like to say that "how time flies", or "that felt like a year"... those are unworthy expressions and don't fare fair with my truest feelings. I'd be totally fine if the world's revolution slows down if that meant having longer moments with you, and added minutes of joy. Hmm, I wouldn't mind being stuck in time with you. 

This is uncharted terrain if I must say, not just for me but for both of us. A few months back, I was holding my doubt and fears... but now, I have your hands clasped in mine. I now carry with me your love.

More of Life

and less writing.

Well...currently, my life is rolling. I'm busy keeping up with work, balanced with a lot of lovin'.

This year, I realized that it's time to live life. You only get to live once, might as well make it meanignful and worth it. Definitely a change of perspectives took place, and now, I'm living each moment.

I'm putting on hold my "coming out" kwento. It's still brewing, and it didn't turn out as I imagined. There's a hint.

Sa ngayon, good vibes muna tayo.

Quality Time

Taking advantage of the holiday, we spent the night together. At past midnight, he picked me up from work and we checked ourselves in for 12 hours of high quality time. 

He always remind me I'm the type who's hard to please (mataas daw standards ko and expectations). But with him, I'm completely in contentment. He's my happiness, in its pure essence - my joy. He gives me pleasure in so many levels (and yes, I mean in sooo many levels, and positions. haha!)

Though we started a little rough, one may even call it booty calls, things turned out unexpectedly. For one, he's never dated a guy before. Second he didn't think he'd engage in a homosexual relationship; he's not even  turned on by just any stud. But each moment we spent together, summates our existence, and forges a bond. Eventually, he grows in to you, and you in him. Multiply that by how much time you spend together, who could blame you for falling for each other. And that we did.

Hihi. 

(Malanding hagikgik lang to lite things up.)

By the way, I've taken a mile step in my life. I told my mom about me and Jjampong - kung paano ko ginawa, at ano kinahinatnan, kwento ko na lang sa next post. We're already checking out of the hotel. hehe...tama na overtime. :P

On the Passenger Seat

As he was driving through the eskinitas of Manila in this warm summer evening, I couldn't help myself but watch how the street lights and incoming headlights outline his face. I could barely see his eyes through those chink lids and the lights bouncing off his spectacles.

His glance draws towards my side; I quickly look away. Meeting his eyes would be my doom - I'd loose composure and would simply blush and melt, and gently slide myself to his right arm, and cling to him tightly like any clingy pubescent in love. I'm sure he'd like that, and would let go of the gear shifter and rather hold my hand.

One block after the other, I cannot stop staring at him. He notices and catch me looking. His stare finally caught me. I flash him a guilty look with my puppy dog eyes. I run my left hand over my left thigh and extend my left fifth digit, aiming for his right hand gripping the gear shifter. Our pinkies brush pleasantries, and  welcomes my subtle gesture. We lock pinkies, and both let out a sigh... well, he also let out a short soft giggle - I guess I'm not the only one keeping his cool.

"Anak di ba kayo nagugutom?"

Somewhat startled, we break contact. I look behind at the backseat to answer mom's query...

VS: Gutom na ko... Morato?

Like those teenagers in love, we snicker at each other.

SMASH - Never Give All the Heart

For the men that I've known Who have clearly shown They've reading him from the start 'Cause when it comes to me Well, their kisses come free But they never give all the heart 

'Cause each time that I fall 
They never give all the heart

Hoity-Toity

On a hot April noon, I was out having lunch with a dear friend of mine. It's been a long while since we've spent time together, talked about our life happenings. Then she asked, "How are you Victor?" and I replied with a smile. 

VS: I'm currently seeing someone. We've been dating for the past weeks now.

CC: Oh, that's nice. Showbiz?

VS: Nope, nonshowbiz. But graduated from the same university. He's younger than me though. 

CC: *Stares in query*

VS: What? He's just a year younger! :P 

CC: It's not that... I just realized you haven't been in kilig since M. 

VS: Oh... 

 Oo nga ano... wala nga.

 CC:It's just that, I haven't seen you in kilig lately. Wala kang kinakikiligan since M.

That had me thinking... I cannot even remember the kilig I had with M. The moments I had kilig, other than over a guy, were over CC's freshly baked choco-walnut cookies, cinnamon roll from Baguio, and... hm, no more. 

I miss the kilig, but I'm not craving it. It will come naturally, and I hope it does. Currently, someone's giving me more than kilig ;)

Inspired by Ignorance

I hate to break it to you guys, but this PR guy just inspired (or should I say, "in spite") me to blog. After a long break from blogging (for other reasons, that I'll have to write about some other time), this guy did a great job urging me to write. Truly, by imbibing the very lyrical "just the way you are", truly truuuully, he's just so amazing. AMAZINGLY STUPID (feel the rage in this statement. please).

Of course, I'd like to share this ugh-mazing encounter with you. Come on, let's all revel in his greatness.

Oh, shit! He already blocked me after his reply to me. If only you can check his account (I wouldn't dare you to even pry on his existence, but for the sake of this entry, sige search nyo siya), you'd read there that he's of Spanish descent, and that he's real name is something foreign, and that he has a list of sudo names. Yes, you read that right - SUDO NAMES - which included Peter Parker, Aldof Thiler, even Henry Si. Oh, diba ugh-mazing guy!

Ako naman si Mr. Charitable, I sent him a message which was plain and simple:

"Sudo Name", is spelled PSEUDONYM. You might want to change that.

I did that out of goodwill and service to all humankind. And this is his response to that:

Syempre, like any normal human being, I'd retaliate or at least defend myself from his arrogance (at para rin puksain ang mga tulad nya). I was about to send my lenghty reply when I remembered to check first if he blocked me. As expected, he did. Ganyan naman talaga mga nilalang na tulad nya sa PR.

Seriously, I do not understand where they get such attitude, kung saang kaibuturan (I double checked this term, and amazing may online Filipino dictionary. Something I learned new today! Hoorah!) nila nahalukay ung ugali nila... pati na rin kung saang kweba sila namuhay, ni anino nila di nasilayan.

Sigh... poor soul.

NOT. At dahil nga blocked na ko sa kanya, gusto ko pa rin iparating ang mensahe ko sa kanya, pai na rin sa mga kalahi nya.

Isa kang malaking tanga. Imbes na nagpasalamat ka dahil itinama ka, e nagmalaki ka pa ng katangahan mo.
Basahin mo ulit ung mensahe mo at tingnan mo kung sino arrogante.
Using words too big for your own vocabulary. Sige nga, define GROTESQUE. Define INCONGRUOUS. What is the the etymology of INCONGRUOUS?

Maliban sa pagkakamali mo sa SUDO NAME, ang tanga mo pa.
"i am bloody aware of that mister.that's how i want to use the word." Bobo. Pano ka gagamit ng isang salitang wala namang katuturan ni kabuluhan?
First time kong magmura sa isang user dito.

Congratulations ikaw ang una, sa sobrang katangahan.

Mister, huwag kang magkakamaling sumalubong sa landas ko...
baka mapaluhod at mapasamba ako sa katangahan mo. I really cannot believe such ignorance exist.

Idle Hands

"...When were not working, our hands are idle, and the devil will find work for idle hands to do. And when you have an idle mind, well that’s the devil’s playground too.”

Finally have some free time on my sleeves... any suggestions for some fun time? ;)

Vday never bothered me this much.

Ako lang ba ang malungkot nitong valentines day?
Boo hoo...

Bid January Farewell

One of my favourite months, on it's end. I hope to meet you again, and bond with you soon.

But I can't say the same for RD. I've said goodbye on the eve of the 4th, after he told me things I wasn't prepared to hear. It wasn't about him having a short-time boyfriend over the Christmas break; nor when he kept reminding me that it was I who didn't want to commit.

It's was when he showed me that he didn't want to get screened for HIV, fearing that it'd be the ruin of his budding career; and that he didn't show a slight remorse or concern over my personal worries. At that moment, it was the first time I felt the strong urge of walking out on someone. But I didn't. I paused for a few seconds -  a decent 10 seconds or so, then let out a sigh. I stood up, and calmly said, "I have to go. I've got better things to attend to." But to him I was tampo over him having a bf with a random stranger, making it sound like a joke: "Aysus! Tampo ka!? e kaw nga tong ayaw sa akin diba?".

"No. Di ako nagtatampo over that. I just have to go. I can't stand being here right now.

Goodbye."

 With that, I head straight out of the door, pulling it close behind me.