Leap Year

2016 is a special Leap Year, with the a skip on the calendar dates in the middle of the February.

*sigh*....

Pardon me, just couldn't put down my thoughts into words.

My head's all in a clutter, I feel stuck on a gutter.

Oh bummer.

The Closest Encounters with the EX.

A random chatter yesterday...

N: "Nakita ko si ex mo sa Aura one time... bakit parang ang lamya na nya?"

VS: "What do you mean malamya? "

N: "Pagirl." 

VS: "I doubt that. Bihis babae?" 

N: "Hindi naman, but his demeanor changed. The last time I saw him with you, he's like 90% guy, lalaking laki at hindi aakalaing gay. But when I saw him he's too pa-girl, 30-70, 30% na lang pagkalalaki." 

VS: "I'd still doubt that. Perhaps the last time you saw us together you only saw the timid side of him. He's like that especially when he's around strangers. But I've seen him when he's with family and his closest friends, he does get a bit uhm, loud and goofy. But not pa-girl." 

N: "You need not be defensive you know? Ex mo na siya, remember?

It's not being defensive... or is it? Hmm....
Prior to this I also got word from an old friend who works in the same company with my ex. Apparently he's popular...

VS: "... you work at [company] pala. By any chance you work with [ex's full name]? 

M: "Yung bading?" 

VS: "'bading'?" 

M: "Sabi ng mga officemates ko bading daw yun. Bakit kaanu-ano mo ba yun?" 

VS: "Have you met him?" 

M: "Hindi, e magkaiba kami department. Pero nakikita ko siya. Ang ingay nya e. 

VS:"Palabiro kasi yun."   

M: "Basta naiingayan ako sa kanya. Bakit mo pala natanong?"

Then I just had to segue and change the course of discussion. This old friend of mine doesn't know my sexual preference and that I dated guys. She looks up to me as a kuya. But to be honest bothered ako. Parang hindi ko na kilala ang ex ko. O sadyang malaki na nagbago sa kanya since we parted ways?

The other night I had a dream and he was in it. We were in a car, not his, and this time he was in the passenger seat. I was driving. In that dream we were having a banter...

VS: "So kumusta ka naman since we 'parted ways'?  

J: "Parted ways? Diba tinaboy mo ko, remember?   

VS: "Ako nantaboy? I remember ikaw yung last nantaboy. 

J: "Basta may nantaboy." 

VS: "Well, so how did we end up talking right now." 

J: "Ewan ko sayo." 

*At this point I realized I was dreaming. Yes, m subconscious speaks in my dreams apart from the dream Me* 

VS: "Well it's not like we're getting back together you huh?" 

J:" Sheesh..." 

VS:"Ang yabang! Haha... But that is a funny thought. Funny in the sense na it wouldn't be a good idea." 

J:"Ewan ko sayo!" 

VS:" Well at least we're talking, Sungit." 

J: *stares for awhile then looks out of the window*

End of dream sequence. Lately I've been wanting to make random conversations with him by text, just to know how has he been doing. But I guess it wouldn't be a good time yet. I don't' even know if there will be any time at all.

Easy

By definition, requiring or indicating little effort,
thought or reflection
that it may be readily taken advantage of
it involves little difficulty or discomfort
not difficult to endure or undergo
free from pain annoyance and anxiety

Now if you put it into context, let's say, of love and commitment…
doesn't it get tangled up somehow? 
It's a matter of whether it is or it's not

Love is easy. 

Perhaps saying those words is not really hard at all, especially if it meant nothing.

Love is not easy.

That would explain why people end up broken-hearted.

Being with you is easy. 

Maybe we're just promiscuous.

Being with you was not easy.

Explains how quickly you left.

It's easy to end this.

It's no longer burdensome for you

It's so easy to get out and leave.

So why bother staying?

Everyone would rather keep things easy…
but how come I find it hard to keep things easy?

Clingy Diaries: Semi-walkout

The past days, hindi talaga ako mapakali. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop.", which most often rules in me. We haven't seen each other for days, so we've set Monday, 17th to meet. But he wasn't feeling better, next day na lang daw which was fine with me. The following day, he was about to cancel on me. Di lang ako pumayag, so we met - well, may kailangan din kasi siya kunin sa bahay namin.  

Pero the whole time na magkasama kami, parang ang distant nya kahit magkatabi kami sa sasakyan; he wasn't talking to me, siguro preoccupied. The whole drive was quiet and when he dropped me off, wala man lang siyang kiss or hawak sa kamay. I couldn't bare looking at him, bumababa na lang ako ng kotse at nagmadali lumayo. That night, I was hurting. 

Hm, maselan pala ako.

Hello Clingy Me

That's all I could call myself.

More of Life

and less writing.

Well...currently, my life is rolling. I'm busy keeping up with work, balanced with a lot of lovin'.

This year, I realized that it's time to live life. You only get to live once, might as well make it meanignful and worth it. Definitely a change of perspectives took place, and now, I'm living each moment.

I'm putting on hold my "coming out" kwento. It's still brewing, and it didn't turn out as I imagined. There's a hint.

Sa ngayon, good vibes muna tayo.

Lonesun

I don't know how much more I can handle waking up alone on a Sunday.

How I wish I have every Saturday, a night of romance, intimacy or adventure...

I don't mind being alone on a Thursday or Tuesday... but on a Sunday?

I can't handle being gloomy on a Sunday, it's just ironic for me.

The Future is Bleak

sigh...

Of career, romance and life itself.

Tomorrow bears no sun, but of dark hovering clouds

No light peeks through, as the nimbus is thick of gloom

I am in thirst of life, love and hope

Not a drizzle, nor even a drop, 

The Future is bleak

What more can sustain me, if not nourish me?

How long can I last, if this can't be surpassed?

Tomorrow bears no sun, but of darkness and uncertainty

The Future is bleak, and I am but weak.

Life Goes On

Everybody seems to be out and about, busy with their own lives - dealing with their own troubles, enjoying their simple joys, or even dwelling in their own sorrows. But I'm not sure about mine. I feel so incompetent...close enough to impotent. I doubt if I'm feeling anything at all. Is pathetic a feeling, just so I can say "I feel pathetic"?

Will someone take me out for at least a glass of wine? or kahit bote ng beer kung di afford. I'd appreciate any ounce of social "charity".

(sound desperate enough?)

A Quickie

as much as I'd like to have a long discourse about sex, I can't -  for the lack of time, creativity and energy,. oh and libido.

I'd simply would like to declare that, I WOULD LIKE A HOT FUCKING GOODSEXY TIME.

But...
I can't.

Because when I start going down on business....
I lose...

"focus".

It's actually a realization, that when I go for a hookup, I kind of bail out, or umaagtras ang libog, on the last minute. Call it hang up, inhibition, indecisiveness...
I simply call it, "Not meant for me".

I do get horny most of the time. My libido spikes up that it drives me rabid. But in the end, a reckless hookup doesn't drive me to the edge. I may yearn for flesh, for heat, for ecstasy, orgasm to the brink of eternity... But without romance and passion to drive me uphill and push me off the edge, they're all but naught to me.

Intrigue

Sometimes it spice things up.

Whether for the good or the bad - you simply have to wait and see.

SAD

What's with all those hearty decorations plastered on walls, dangling from chandeliers? Ang aga namang celebrasyon nyan, hindi ba?

It's like a countdown...
"You still have 2 days left to find a date for the V day!"

*smirks*

Hmmm... Great. so they've extended the Single Awareness Day.

Whilst There's Time

I have always kept my weekends free for possibilities, spontaneity, randomness. But for the past weeks it has been disappointing.

"I Feel Fat."

If you've seen me and heard me say this, you'd definitely slap the world out of me.
Weighing only 123 lbs at 5'7", yes, I have no K to claim that I am fat.

Blaaah. Something random. I want to go to the gym again, not to lose weight but to gain more mass. Reasons?

1. working hard and sweating out makes me feel good. Good blood flow, better circulation...*yadda yadaa*...health benefits. (LOL!)
2. a little more upper torso mass would make me look less sickly. Lampayatot is so old school, and boring.
3. looking good physically, might just boost some confidence. as well as hotness.
4. hotness is directly related to market value. increased hotness, increased market value.
5. high market value, would entail better harvest.

I don't really know marketing, economics, and those stock market.

I'm just saying, I want to get lean.

Of Gusts and Tides

Fck.

Wala pang isang buwan mula nang nangumpisal ako, mukhang nababali ko na ang aking panata. Biglang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin nitong nakaraang linggo, malakas ang hampas pabaling sa kabilang direksyon.

Attention

Everybody seem to crave for *
To have some piece of *


A little of your *
Undivided *

* takes a great deal of our interest

* and dedication

* makes you come back
For more *

Stream 2011-10-08

the idea of it

a prodrome

thumping pulse

building pressure

manifesting aura

Why the sudden compulsion?

For something that has never occurred before

a phenomenon, a rare feat

an adventure awaits

just for me to take bait

or perhaps an omen

of evil things to transpire

exchange of heat, perspire!

Of mischief, no profit

malignant, might not be revertant

Malate

a bruit on auscultation, tempting invitation

sanity on obtundation, inexistent salvation

a need, of instinct and drive, a must to jive

listless, restless, must not be fruitless

Malate

should I succumb, to what could be a catacomb?

It's Been Awhile

Well, it's been a busy month, and now I'm a free man! Hooorah!