Wala pang isang buwan mula nang nangumpisal ako, mukhang nababali ko na ang aking panata. Biglang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin nitong nakaraang linggo, malakas ang hampas pabaling sa kabilang direksyon.
It's not that I feel like I'm committing sin. I don't see it as a sin. But it does put me off balance, doing something that I've told myself not to do kind of feeling ... it's quite bothersome. It's like holding yourself back from diving in to a pool of candy (candies? or boys to make it more obvious), laway na laway ka na pero nagpipigil ka pa. And for what? For watching out your blood sugar, or your waistline (two things i'm not really bothered :P) ?
What is wrong with me? I've always been like this, holding back from something that I want to dive my head on to (uhm, I don't really dive my head on to everything,especially to one particular "thing". srsly). If I'm not mistaken, it's the id-superego thing, psyche war or Freudian play, or something. It gets highly mind-boggling, to the point that I actually have a debate with an alter ego, or simply with myself.
This is actually tiring sometimes.
A good old friend of mine just told me the other day, that maybe kaya ko raw nagawang mag-ibang direksyon is because I'm too preoccupied with work, and that dating guys was coming off as a distraction. So when I made that decision, it felt perfectly right. But now that I'm on vacation, I started mingling again with boys, finding myself at a wind hole.
Hmm... idle mind is the devil's workshop - I've been often told. Siguro nga. Nothing's keeping me preoccupied since I'm on vacation, so I go and hurling myself to the sea, only with a salbabida around my waist. Soon after, a storm disturbs the peace, with tides rising. How could I 've been reckless, only to find myself being tossed and tumbled by the surging waves?
Now I want to take a plunge into cold water to render my body numb. Sigh...just putting this out, kailangan lang mailabas sa sistema. Saka na yung kwento talaga...
Yes, I got kwento to tell. And it's about boys. Ugh. (Spell slut?)