23 December 2016

Pwede na ba?

Dalawang taon na yun.

Baka pwede na?

Masaya naman na siya... alam mo na rin naman na masaya siya, na ligtas siya. Siguro naman ngayon pwede na, na ikaw naman ang maging masaya.

Alam kong tinutukan mo sarili mo sa loob ng dalawang taon, dinayo ang iba't ibang isla, nilusong ang ang mga dagat, at inakyat mga bundok para lang makalikas mula sa mga alaala nya. Subalit alam naman natin, sa paglubog ng araw, sa iyong paghimlay, walang kasing lamig na kalungkutan ang bumabalot sa iyong puso. Hindi ka man lumuluha, pero sa kalooblooban mo, ang puso mo'y nagluluksa bawat gabi.

"At the end of the day..."

"...no letting go"

Lahat ng ito'y bale wala na ngayon.

Kaya tama na. Dalawang taon na. Pwede na ba?

28 November 2016

Pendere - Pensare - Pensif

Drafted 27 June 2016

As much as I try to conquer my fears of swimming in the open waters, I'm engulfed not by salt water, but by a sea of emotions, anxiety, fear and doubt. It's been more than 2 years now, and I'm still struggling to stay afloat. 

Even when you and I were together, it has been drowning me. I've been crying out for help, but fearing at the same time that by reaching out to you would only mean pulling you in to my own whirlpool, drowning you with me. This is the reason why, a couple of occasions, I've offered you your safe way out: first was at the time of breaking the news to you, second was that Independence day. You rejected my offer the first time, and you pleaded for me to be selfish, to keep you all for me. And that I did. But I've become so full of myself, I've turned in to a black hole sucking in all your light. Hence I offered to set you free on Independence day.  You obliged, indulging my fancy. We had a decent break up. Yet we spent the next day together, "as friends", but it was so agonizing seeing you suffering silently, I just wanted to hold you tight and keep you safe.
There had to be consequences, for every action there is a relative and definite reaction - at least that's how the laws of physics mandates it. I've been reckless, stubborn, stupid and all because of these I've lead us more to our demise.

I'm sorry Jjampong, for hurting you over and over. I think we've finally freed each other.
Unfortunately for me though, I'm still stuck somewhere between "in love" and "letting go".

14 November 2016

Guess nothing is casual when it comes to sex.

I Feel Like Dancing

Would you take me out dancing, even just for tonight 
Shower under the bright moonlight
Let our favorite music play, as our bodies collide.

We don't have to be in love, but for tonight hold me tight
As I feel like dancing tonight, even for just a while
Let's pretend we own the night