Admission

For some unthinkable reason, I miss Jjampong more than ever. But not the yearning type of missing. I just plainly miss him. Everyday for the past weeks, despite the stuff I'm dealing with, he'd slide in to thought. Even when there were days that I don't consciously remember him, there's that feeling that I have drained myself thinking of him. I did dream of him once this month but a very faint and vague one at that, the type you'd forget the moment you wake up.

Unthinkable I say, for we had no contact since...well, the break up, and it's been more than a year ago. He did reply to my birthday greeting last August, a brief "Thanks.". No word since then until someone notified me he's off to another country for a short business trip; to which I couldn't help myself but text him a farewell. I'm completely on a social media block out, as I figured since he blocked me from Facebook.  Not a single trace of him, even through common friends - I guess they're doing us a favor or some sort.

I miss him, I just do. I can't deny that. I'm simply acknowledging that.

Besides that... there's one thing that's worth to be acknowledged. Surprising as it seems, as it caught me off-guard. I blurted it out to myself, not too loud for anyone to hear...

"Given another chance, I'd fight for your love. No letting go this time...never."

Nay or Yay:: Your take on cheating.

Listening to Boys' Night Out last February 17th, their topic of discussion: Cheating.

I didn't take down minutes of the discussion, but some points raised that quite hit a mark - spot on:

1. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
2. Either you're a cheater, or a changing man. So which are you?
3. Lying coincides with cheating - one cannot exist without the other.
4. Facebook, (or any social media platform) is the root of cheating.
5. How much can one forgive a cheating partner?
6. When a cheater realize how much he will lose, it can change him.

What's your take on any of the mentioned items?

Tell me something I can hold on to forever and never let go.

Forever and ever...

No letting go...walang bibitaw...

Those were his words... back when he and I, were a we, an us.

But since our parting, he only left me with these words - words I couldn't deny holding on to for the dear life (or love) out of me:

Whenever a guy professes his love for me, it always set off something like an internal clock, a ticking timer, a countdown to an end. For reasons I never understood, but that's how it has always been even with him. His only advantage was, I made myself believe in our fairy tale affair, with his declarations of everlasting love - of a Forever. I held on to his words for as much as I could... until today.

It has been more than a year, and I would like to hear from him again - his words that I shall forever honour and hold on to... only this time, I want to hear it differently, to hear something more...

: Tell me something I can hold on to forever and never let go.

:: Let go. 

Leap Year

2016 is a special Leap Year, with the a skip on the calendar dates in the middle of the February.

*sigh*....

Pardon me, just couldn't put down my thoughts into words.

My head's all in a clutter, I feel stuck on a gutter.

Oh bummer.

9 Years and Counting

Right before my eyes, it struck me...

My longest relationship is with PR. 

A bit surprised to be honest. A random chat with a guy from PlanetRomeo just gave me this realization. Even when I was with Jjampong, I was having an affair with PR though I was seeing it differently at that time.

hmm...

I know that it's a hunting ground for the horngry, a meat shop for the famished. But it's also a haven for the lost, and lonely. Well, at least for me. The comfort of a random chat was enough to distract me from my weary. It may sound like an overstatement, but PR  was more than a hookup place for me; it served as a portal for me to meet and date guys, and was even fortunate to have had a chance with Jjampong.

...what am I driving at?

I didn't realize it soon enough, that I've established a relationship with PR itself, not exactly the guys in it. Basically, I should set my foot out in the real world if I were to look for a relationship, and stop living through that blue planet. I really have to break up with PR. The thing is... I'm not ready yet.


PS.
Lame entry for today. I actually have other things on my plate. Just for the sake of making space, I had to dish this one out. This is one of those times that blogging serves as a Pensieve. I'll have to tackle this issue some other time, perhaps on a better perspective.