09 December 2012

On Fucking Labels :: How You Hold Me Draws Me Closer (Wrap Up)

... Satisfied na ako na fucking friends tayo. Ayoko ng long courtship.

This was just last night via text, when he reminded me that I have not given him a concrete answer to his question, and that I requested for him to wait until our next meeting so I can fully disclose my thoughts on the matter. Pero mukhang di na siya makapaghintay, kaya boom! . . . just like that, he said it.

Weeell . . . I wasn't fully offended. We've been fucking around (oh, and just like that I'm blunt now?); there's been comfort in each other's company (our budding friendship); and we haven't engaged in any emotional haggling. SO, more or less we do have the basic variables that would equate to being fuck buddies. Though I don't close doors to such opportunities (I'm very open-minded, you see), it just didn't occur to me, not a single thought, that we could actually be fuck buddies.

Right from the beginning, we were simply, dating - or so I thought.

I guess it's time to tie everything together and patch up things. So, after weeks of going out, staying in, sleeping together, a DTR (define the relationship) was just inevitable. With my past relationship/s it all happened quick and simple - "Are you ready to commit?" (TAR, 2009). M's line was "Wala nang iba? Pwedeng ako na lang?" after asking if I'm seeing anybody else, how he did it was cute and charming (kwento ko siguro some other time). But with this guy, RD, I feel awkward whenever I'd try to discuss our status.

It was an evening nearing end of November, while fooling around in bed, when we're kidding about his past boyfriends. Then I blurted something like, "Nako kung ako boyfriend mo, don't you even dare to be that demanding!"
RD: "Bakit boyfriend ba kita?"
VS:"Hindi. I'm just saying."
*brief moment of stares*
RD:"Kung tatanungin kita, gusto mo ba ako maging boyfriend?

I instantly gave a "No.", as a joke half meant. The truth is, I've given it some thought, how we like each other and how we jive together; it wouldn't be random if we do end up together as a couple. But this time... I'm not yet ready.

Dati, isang tanong may isang sagot lang rin. "Oo" na agad. And not that I have any regrets, because back in those moments, "yes" felt the right word to say. Ngayon, "No" was within reason and timing. I'm not ready yet.

Going back to last night, I cleared it out to him:
For me, we are dating. But beyond that, I dunno yet. I'm not ready yet for what's beyond dating.
 So, does that mean I'm settling with "Fucking friends"???  Errr no. Then I asked him if he simply sees me as such friend. And he told me:
Fucking buddy is the least we can be. We can choose to be deeper than that. I told you once that I want to be your bf and I still do.
So... does that settle it?







No! hahah! Ngayon napapatanong ako, ANO BA TALAGA ATEH!? haha!
Since wala na kong oras (and laptop battery), it's always a comfort to reflect on a famous quotation with regards to such situations...

Kailangan ba talagang may label?
*isangmalandingwinkingsmiley*

9 comments:

JohnM said...

Yes, kailangan may label. :P
Thank you for this last part.

Mugen said...

Thank you for this post. Nakarelate ako. Sobra. :)

Herbs D. said...

only time will tell

Grey said...

Ang gulo ng mundo. Ang gulo ng mga tao. :))

Hustin said...

may nagsabi sa 'kin. actions speak louder than words pero minsan kailangan din natin mag-usap para magkalinawan.

Basti said...

don't close your doors. baka nga you can go deeper than fucking friends.

Victor Saudad said...

I just realized earlier today, while in the shower...

"OH! I'm pulling a 500DaysofSummer on this guy?!? Fuck! I'm Summer?"

diba!? o_O

Arkinscent said...

Oo kailangan ng labels.

That's how a intangible thought takes form..though intangible pa din (say sound).. pero it will appeal sa senses (ears). and through our senses, we experience..

:)

crazyvodka said...

napadaan lang ako sa blog mo, nakakatuwang basahin.. nakakarelate ako in some way..

hindi naman kailangan ng labels. actions speak louder than words. mararamdaman mo naman kung paano sya syo sa mga susunod na araw..

im looking forward sa mga susunod na kabanata..

**paano mag follow? hehe :D baguhan lang ako dito e