Point of No Return

And it's not about orgasms. This entry was intended to be a reply comment to Ron's post. Eh, just a few days ago I've been mulling the same sentiments in my head as I lie still in bed... bored out of my wits. So here goes:

Yung konsepto ng "Break kung break", lately ko lang naintindihan ng lubos. Dati kasi nabanggit sa kin yun ni M na hindi siya yung tipong nakikipagbalikan sa taong nakipagbreak kahit na matindi pa rin yung feelings nila para sa isa't isa. Once pinakawalan daw siya, there's no going back. Kaya nung ako hiniwalayan nya, alam kong di na kami pwedeng magkabalikan pa.

Pero aminin ko na minsan, naiisip ko "what if magkabalikan pa kami?" or napapaisip ako ng mga eksena na tinatangka namin magkabalikan pa.

Naalala ko lang... ako nga pala ung nasaktan nung nagkahiwalay kami...so bakit ako tong nag-iimagine na magkakabalikan kami? AKO dapat ang nagsasabing "Break kung break". There's no point in going back, it makes no sense. BAkit ka nga ba babalik sa taong nanakit sayo diba? Kahit na sabihin pang mahal mo siya, dapat mas mahalin mo sarili mo. 

Eto, hindi ko ipagkakailang may pinaghuhugutan. Maitatanggi ko pa ba sa haba ng comment na ito? hehe. So once again, I've decided to make this as an entry sa blog. haha!

Move on na dapat sa kada kapalpakan. Wala ka namang masosolusyunan pa kung lingon ka nang lingon sa nakaraan. Forward is all there is to it.

Oh and wag makipagbalikan sa ex. Bigla ko lang natandaan ngayon, isa yun sa top advices ko nung nasa hayskul pa lang ako. Yun ang isa sa lagi kong payo sa mga kaibigan ko noon, na kapag iniwan ka wag mong habulin. The fact na nagawa ka nilang iwan just means that those people are not good enough for you.

A Fish in the Sea - Part 2

So I think I suck at making kwento, transcribing it at least. I even failed to characterize the characters in this kwento. Hah! So for a quick review: I joined my Brother and his pals for a weekend vacation in a far away province, with unlimited access to the beach. My brother's girl friend took us in with the help of her relatives. One of the relatives was Mr.Fisherman.(click here to check the first part).

Stream 2011-05-24

"mature sa salita, hindi sa gawa"
echoing in my head
me rolling on the bed
Childish, naive, skeptic, cynic
bored, lazy, whatever
















Bleeeeh.
Oh spring, why can't you start the cleaning?

FB Archive

I'm starting to hate this FB chat archive. I rarely go online on fb chat, kasi kadalasan e naiwas lang ako sa ilang tao na makachat. Pero tonight, I didn't notice I was online. And then I see M is online as well, dun sa left side with minute thumbnails. Naisip ko lang masilip profile nya so iyon yung na-click ko, not knowing that it will only launch the chat box.

At dun lumitaw ang aming long lost chat archive...nung month before ng breakup namin, when were still throwing hugs and kisses for each other.

It's just crappy that FB has to remind me of a past that -...
I will forever look back to that part of my life as the lie that fooled me. Or the truth that I shouldn't have trusted my heart with.

Either way, I'll forever resent that things had to end unhappily.

5 Things About Me 2011-05-20

1. I feel awkward hearing people say "PLU", or whispering "people like us" in a conversation. Why can't you just say "other gay people"?
2. It's an eyesore to see people forcing to fit themselves in clothing 5 sizes smaller than their actual body mass. Notice those people who go out in a size 29 skinny jeans when they're actually 229lbs? And you could just see E-VER-RY CURRV-UH on their body...as in every unnecessary cleavage (a.k.a butt cracks, self-induced bilbil, and whatnot).
3. Bulges are supposed to be seductive, not horrific. A lot of boys out there wear these ill-fitting khakis or plaid skirtsshorts, again, a size smaller than they are. You could just notice their awkward bulges in a puff, without even looking downwards. This is worse among chubby or overweight individuals. They disgust me, seriously.
4. I'm no fashionista. I wear what I feel like wearing for the day. But I make sure I have clothes on appropriate for the occasion.Same with people I go out with, I prefer they wear something simple and not too flashy (kundi magmumukha akong underdressed. hehe)
5. I like being at home, and I must say I'm an excellent host. I like hosting house parties, and by party I mean a lunch or dinner for a group of friends. I'm not a party person, as in clubbing and disco. Afternoon cocktails, homecooked dinner, or potluck lunch at my place is more my thing. Gathering for friends for a good chat and scrumptious meal is more of my deal.

Of Intellectual Conversations

I've been back in PR for the past week already. Yes, I signed up a second account out of boredom. It's been a fast paced, uhm, socializing I must say.

Anyhow... I enjoy reading profiles. Then I came across this guy's profile declaring he only likes intellectual conversations but hates hi-hello and thinks it is stupid. I can't help it but send a message, I wanna check what's under the hood of this guy.

The conversation I believe was just starting. I hit the Send button for my reply, but was caught off guard. The jerk blocked me. First time ko, kaya gulat ako. Honestly, I'm quite pissed. One, it's rude to block a conversation just like that. Two, he thinks too highly of himself, and that he's too good for a simple hi. I resent such jerks. Now, I'm wondering how does this guy even strike a conversation? May kagat-labi? With a wink? Or perhaps with a song? Oh, he's good then. Now I'm thinking he's the kind of person na masyadong nahuhumaling sa idea ng pick up lines, someone who take down notes from tv or from comedy bars.

Maybe I'm just over-reacting. But I hate this guy's guts.

Bringing M Home

Here's a screen cap of a comment to a post: 

After reading Sean's post, it had me reminiscing about M. Kwento ko lang ung time na nag-overnight siya sa bahay ko. :P


We've only been dating for a couple of weeks only but practically see each other everyday. We usually stay out  late, 7pm-2am everyday and we've spent friday nights at his home already.Yes, he has introduced me to his mom (being an unico hijo, his mom outed him way back).Well, those couple of weeks, felt like a month already.

Things were really going well between us, and I felt more open to him than I've ever been with any other guy, that I planned a weekend for us to spend at home - my home. We timed it with our JabbaWockeeZ date to have a good alibi (sa bahay namin kasi, kailangan reasonable at di pwedeng bara bara). Alibi namin nun sa parents ko:

nanood kami ng JabbaWockeeZ show kaso lagpas dorm curfew na natapos, e walang tutuluyan si M so niyaya ko na muna siya dito magstay. 

This was actually a good alibi because my brother was with us the whole evening (I will tell you about the JabbaWockeeZ date some other time). My mom had no issues whatsoever with it, but my dad was like a cop. But I'm good with lying that I don't simply make up stories.

Dad: Sino kasama mo? 

VS: Ah si M po. (boy)Friend ko from [a school along E.Rod](true).

D: O? Magkaiba pala kayo school e, paanong n-

VS: (cutting dad off) through common friend. Classmate nya ung isang classmate ko nung college, and isang classmate ko nung high school (this part is true). We got introduced (this however, is not :P). 

D: E bakit mo kasama?

VS: ha? Barkada ko (buddy?:P).

D:Barkada mo, e magkaiba kayo school?

VS:Thru common friends nga.

D: Kahit na. Bakit naman dito pa makikitulog?

VS: E kasi past curfew na sa dorm nya (true), late na natapos ung show(not true), nagdinner pa kami (dun kami late natapos).

D: Bakit di siya dun sa mga kaklase nya siya makitulog? Bakit kaw pa nag-alok ng tutulugan?

VS: Uhm, kasi ako ung may bahay? Dormers din ung classmates nya (true).

D: SO bakit siya nagpagabi pa?VS: Para makanuod. And ako rin kasi nagyaya sa kanya (making my dad think of the show).

During the interrogation, M was already in the guest room getting comfy. When I got to follow to the room he was sitting at the edge of the bed and asked what took me so long. "Naimbestigador :P" 'ka ko. He had a worried look on his face and said sorry. I brushed his apologies aside and assured him it was nothing.

But honestly, I dunno what's up with my dad. I'm used to his inquiries, like how he ask about stuff, I know that he's not simply asking but he's actually getting his head around the picture. But this time, I'm not sure if he got a good shot of the picture.

M: Hey, what are you thinking?

VS: ... (turns out I was standing there for seconds)

M: Ano iniisip mo? Something wrong?

VS: Huh? (finally snapped out of it)

M: 'lika na nga dito!

With that wry grin of his, I just had to slide in to his arms for a tight embrace. Tired from the weeks load, school load, we dozed off.

The next morning we had breakfast together with my family. I had to introduced him to my siblings for they didn't see us come home the previous night. My parents were busy with their usual morning chat, while my siblings divided the broadsheets among themselves. And as for me, I resisted any urge of being maaruga to M.

Once finished with our meals, we went back to the guest room to get him ready. He took a bath, and  I even had the compulsion of getting in the shower with him, but I didn't for it's too risky (and we haven't showered together yet). I did get a little naughty when he was dressing up... delayed his trip way home.

Some Sentimental Feeling

Of Bad Habits

1. I sleep late, even if I'm free to go to bed early.
2. I smoke, not occasionally. Only when I'm awfully drunk with heavy smokers, I take a puff or two.

I think I've got more, definitely a lot more. But it's not really that easy to lay it all out in a list. Stick a little longer and you may witness a couple more.

Sheer Boredom

I'm out of town for the weekend and I got a call from a guy I haven't met this morning. Small talk nung una. Off daw nya at wala magawa. Alam mo kung ano idea nya para pamatay bagot? Makitambay raw kasama ako. Nasa Katipunan,QC siya. Ako naman ay nasa province, a good 2 hour drive up north. Willing siyang bumiyahe (I'm assuming he has a ride) for two hours at makitambay dito sa province with me. 

Dapat ko bang pinaunlakan ung imbitasyon nya?

Ang weird lang kasi. Dati, bigla siya magtetext kalaliman ng gabi, magyayaya na kumain or kaya puntahan siya sa bahay niya. 12midnight magimbita ka ng estranghero sa pamamahay mo?

I just don't buy it. 

take me out drinking please.

I do wanna get drunk and chatty. Yes I am chatty when I'm tipsy.And right now, I wanna talk. Just talk and talk and more talk.

Please, have a drink with me?

A Fish in the Sea - Part 1

I've got a couple of pending entries already (such as the Ex files) but I just have to put this one down as it's been giving me kilig for days already...
Here's part 1 of 2.

Stream 2011-05-01

summer

wasn't really spectacular last time

hopeful

wanting

thirsty

this year may be a bummer as well

hopefully not.

wanting a grand vacation

or at least a short trip to the beach would suffice

as long as i quench this thirst for the sun and waves

especially of freedom
or of what's left of it