March in the Sun

All those days in the sun
What I'd give to relive just one
Undo what's done
And bring back the light

A very early phone conversation at 2 in the morning:

Seth: Hi Vic! Kumusta ka naman? ...

Me: Hey... pauwi pa lang. Tagal mo bago magtext ah.

S: *laughs* Well, I got a little bit distracted. 

Seth, after more than a year of email exchange, finally called. Haha! I gave him my number a year ago, but lost to follow up. I just got off my shift, then we talked over the phone. The fun part of meeting people through blog, is that there's a sense of familiarity. We have not met, nor chatted beyond blogger comments and an email thread, yet we talked so casually as if we're from the same class back in college (in fairness, parang top yung boses HAHA!). It was such a warm conversation, basically catching up for the past years, about exbfs and how exactly to move on, how sex can be liberating and how it can be a beginning, Sailormoon, bed roles and compromising one's sexual role, the dawn of dating, and the promises of forever. Chaaar!  haha! Seriously though, the phone call was very much welcomed that I practically camped out at a park near the workplace for about 3 hours. When we finished our conversation, the sun was already peeking through the horizon and I had to get home.

How in the midst of all this sorrow
Can so much hope and love endure
I was innocent and certain
Now I'm wiser but unsure

For the most part of our chikahan, I made kwento of Jjampong, and stories I have never published here before. As I was going through my stories, I break off the storytelling because of getting the kwento all jumbled up - from the dates and time flow, to the details and who said what and what has been said. A year ago, whenever I go on a Jjampong storytelling, I relive the memories and relay the facts and details with precision. But this time, the memories are not as vivid as before. "Fudge! Nakakalimot na ba ako?"  in a somewhat worried yet at the same time hopeful tone. Then I realized, hindi ko na pala masyadong bukambibig nitong mga nagdaang buwan. (Uy! bigyan ng star! haha!)

I can feel a change in me 
I'm stronger now but still not free

Well, that was one of the reasons of my absence here in this space. This online closet of mine started to feel like a cage I locked myself in, or a time machine I got trapped in. Kung tungkol lang din kay J ang isususulat ko, mabuting huwag na lang sabi ko sa srili ko itong mga nagdaang buwan. But look at the irony, siya pa rin bukambibig ko dito. hahah! True as it may be, pero there's something different this time. I can't name the feeling exactly, but I can describe it partly - magaan at maluwag sa pakiramdam. 

I'll have to thank Seth for calling a year late. It couldn't have been a better time, being in a genereally good place in my life right now. You reminded me of the comfort and joy of this safe space brings. Hindi lang naman para magmukmok over failed relationships ang space na ito. I miss writing. *sighs*

Days in the sun 
Will return, we must believe 
As lovers do
That days in the sun will come shining through

So, here I am. Back in my online closet. Consider this my back-in-the-game entry - Welcoming back the goodness of writing :)



P.S.

I just saw "Beauty and the Beast" last night, and I'm enchanted and swooned by it all. Been crooning, humming and tapping my feet to the music of the movie, and as I'm writing this I have the soundtrack album from Spotify in the background. Also in love with the melody of "Days in the Sun" hence the lines in this entry. :)