I was with my guy (for the record, whenever I say guy, I'm referring to heterosexual men) friends the other afternoon, enjoying light banters over a bunch of siomai. We like to enjoy siomai after our usual day, and spend a couple of minutes chatting before heading home.
For this particular afternoon, they started discussing about getting dates for the Vday. One of the guys in the group recently (if you consider 8 months as recent) broke up with his girlfriend for 4 years, and we were urging him to get a date or at least agree to a double date being set by another friend. They were discussing about terms and conditions, certain expectations, preference... when this recently single guy friend, started winking at my direction, Nodding his head, pointing his lips at me, suggesting that they hook me up as well for a Vday date.
The rest of the gang looked to me and went, "Oonga Vic! I-set up kita!".
None of my guy friends know about me liking other men, and I don't know if they have an idea or anything. It's just I have not told them myself anything about my dating preferences. (not yet!)
I looked at them and sternly said,
One of them had his eyebrows drawn close together, as if one is asking the other "ano raw?".
"I don't date on Valentines."
"Tsong kailangan mo!"
"Di, okay tong kilala ko..."
(yeah, sabay-sabay kong narinig at nabasa sa kanilang mga mukha yang mga katagang yan. I'm that good :P)
"Basta... kung single, no dating so as not to ruin February."
But what I really wanted to say, was that I didn't want to ruin what I've gotten used to with February. Zero heartaches. I've never gone out on a date on a February, I'm either single then or I was too busy to even bother look for a date. Other than that, I've never looked at February as a month for dating. Sure it's the month of hearts, a moment for lovers. But it's more of a time for your love ones, it's being with the people you hold dear to your heart. It's not about mingling and hooking up with a potential partner, but rather spending time with your long time partner, or in my case closeSt (emphasis as to not mistake it with closet) friends.
I don't want to make a memory of lousy dates, of disappointing hookups, or of bitter heartaches out of my February. I will not risk a night of expectations, just to wake up to a morning of reality, and have for breakfast the shattered dreams of the previous night. I'd like to keep my February free of shards of broken hearts, without worries of ever hurting myself as I dance my heart out to the tunes of love.
Even if I have to dance solo.