It was the 18th, I asked him to meet me, but he wasn't feeling well and decided to go home. So I decided to go to him instead. I took a cab and went to him. On the way I called him, to let him know that I'm on my way to his place. Aba, ang sagot lang nya, "Matutulog na ko."
Grabe, natameme ako dun. And he was really serious of just going to sleep despite me being on the way. Di ko napigilan, I had to trickle some guilt powers sa pananalita ko
"I. Am. In a cab. On my way there. As in. On. the way. Na."
I was very stern, yet soft spoken - not pressuring him, but definitely urging. "Okay" was all he said - Nakakainis. As I was getting near, di ako makapagdecide kung susuntukin ko ba siya or pipitikin; or iyakan ko na lang siya; pwede ring hug sabay halik. But when I got to his street, sinalubong nya ko and offered to walk around instead. At ang bilis nya maglakad ah - maliban sa bigat ng bag ko, e mabigat ang loob ko. Hindi ako pagod from work, pero he kept insisting na dapat di na ko pumunta. Aba, ang unwanted ng feeling ko. Naikot na namin ung townhomes nila and we ended up at their garage.
"Pagod na? You go back to work na so you can rest pa."
Yes, I 'm just on a break from work, and I had to report back by midnight. It was already 9pm. Very unwanted yung feeling ko. Naiinis na ko sa loob ko - ni wala kaming apir, handshake or tap sa shoulder nung nagkita kami, tapos eto pinapaalis na ko. Siguro nga ganun sya kapagod, na kahit mismong sinupresa ko sya e di mapawi ng kaunti. I couldn't look at him straight in the eyes - I get that I insisted the meeting, I was an unexpected visitor. Wala na rin ako masabi. Then he landed his hand on my shoulder.
That was my breaking point. I lift my head, looked him sternly. Slowly my head seemed to be drawn closer by itself, towards him, and I got a sniff of his scent. I leaned in closer, but he wasn't budging, so I pulled him by his shirt. My forehead rested on his left chest. I took a deep breath, taking in his musk, that familiar scent that I've been missing so much.
Maybe I sniffed too much, causing an allergic reaction - maselan nga siguro ako. My tears began building up - I couldn't wipe them off, he might catch me tearing up (I wasn't crying! Hindi ako umiyak, nagluha lang). But a few sniffs escaped. He got me.
"Why are you crying?" - it wasn't out of concern. He was mocking me. He was actually basking in my moment of tears.
"Sinong iyakin? Hmmm? Hm??? :P" - In fairness, cute sya sa mapangasar nyang mga tingin.
Sa loob loob ko, "Kadiri, I'm crying over this." Kadiri, kasi hindi ko pa nakita sarili kong ganito. This is a side of me that I've never met... and I feel quite threatened. It scared me, how much I'm vulnerable to such feelings with him. I may not be processing it right at the moment, but it scares me how vulnerable I am to him.