Jaundice

A yellowish discoloration. Never did it occur to me that it is synonymous to a feeling of bitterness.
A feeling I'm not fond of... a feeling I'm not inured to...

Farewell Romeos

Time to live the fairy tale. <3

"Galit Ka Ba?"

My mom kept silent for the next three days. We weren't seeing much of each other since I was busy and mostly at work. She doesn't join us during dinner - either she's deaf focused on the tv or locked up in her bedroom. She barely glances to my direction. In the morning I still kiss her goodbye as I leave, without a single breath.

Three days of deafening silence. I had to break it sooner or later.

I got home past dinner time but just in time for the teleseryes. She's settled in the sala, with eyes fixed on the tv. I smoothly sat myself beside her looking straight at her with my pleading beady eyes, and asked her in the most carressing tone I've ever mustered...

"Galit ka ba?"

Forgetting that she was my mother, and thinking she was throwing a simple mother's tantrum; I should have just slit my throat. As if a needle dropped on the floor with a reverberating ting that stole her attention from the tv screen. Slowly turning her head, led by her darting eyes, she finally looked at me after three days. At that moment, when our eyes met, deep in my subconscious I knew I was in for trouble.

...to be continued.

"Kami."

May 2, 2013

Basically that's how I told my mom about my sexuality. Brief. Concise.

Awful.

"Nasaan si Girlfriend?"

Initally a comment to Mamon's entry, but it turned out good enough for an entry.

Ang isang tanong ay maaaring makakuha ng iba't ibang kasagutan. Depende sa pakay ng nagtatanong o sa impresyong mayroon sila sa likod ng pagtatanong.

"Bakit wala kang girlfriend?"

1. may nahuhumaling sa yo - kesyo dalaginding, muher, cougar, or sugar puffy, sila'y sadyang nang-uusisa sa pag-asang magkaisang palad kayo. Sa tono mahuhuli, "Bakit wala kang girlfrieeeend?" - malumanay at banayad, minsan pahaba, ang pagkakabigkas sa huling pantig ng "girlfriend".
2. marahil ikaw ay SSB (singleton since birth, o sadyang solo sa buhay), ni kakambal sa uma wala - "Bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend?" ang mas akmang tanong (sadyang ayaw nila ipamukha sayo ang kanilang pagkainip). Kadalasang setting: Family Gathering, Pistang Bayan, High school reunion, sa mga kasalan, binyagan, at birthday party ng inaanak. 
3. kung nagkaroon na ng girlfriend subalit matagal nang wala - katulad sa #2 ang akmang pangungusap, "Bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend?". Kadalasan mga matagal nang kaibigan o malalapit na tao na may alam ng Dating history mo ang nagtatanong nito. 
4. mga Sgt. Snoops - ang kanilang pagtatanong e may bahid na ng pangungutya. "Bakit wala ka ngang girlfriend?" kung matalas ang pandinig mo. May hinala sa maaaring kasagutan (nothing specific, really), subalit may gusto silang tugon na marinig; tipong mapahiyaw sila ng "Tumpak!"...or in most cases, "Confeeeermed!" sabay kampay sa kumare.
5. meron ding kombinasyon ng #1 at #4, fish combo meal ba ga - "Bakit hindi na lang ako ang girlfriend?", may halong fishing for answers for personal gain. Kampay ulit sa kumare sabay kagat labi.

Oh, and I've been asked before with the same question when i reached my early 20's (21 to 24) - by naive girl friends, clueless boy friends, my hopeful parents, and even some of my relatives during fiestas. Quick answer to family and relatives : "Studies and career muna." To friends and potentials: "Just haven't found the right one." -not in verbatim, but same point. My answeres then were not in evasion, but of honesty. Besides, those were the years that I focused more on myself. Call it YOLO, LOVEYOURSELF, or METIME; but these were the years I rediscovered myself and put first things that matters most.

And it ain't girlfriends nor boylets.