How to Break Up?

Well, you cannot definitely ask us that.

Because we simply don't know how. *shrugs shoulders*

We actually tried for a couple of times as of this writing, I think thrice already. But we simply couldn't go through with it. That becomes a problem if both of you want the same thing - to be together. 

J and I had a tear-jerking talk (I was doing the talking while he was shedding all the tears for both of us) last Wednesday. It was pretty awkward if you ask me. 

Since we "broke up" on Monday midnight, he took my invitation to meet and talk about us on Wednesday. We agreed to meet at my house so we could talk privately.  So I said he should have dinner at home too. While we were texting that day, as if there was nothing wrong, sans the terms of endearment. He even bought siomai for dinner with my family.

He arrived with steaming siomai; had dinner with family like the usual. Then after dinner, we stayed in the garden to start talking. I really don't know how to begin, I simply asked "Are you really done with us?" to get things rolling. I just wanted to hear what he had to say, what he wanted, because frankly I was in no position to defend or reason out my predicament.

We couldn't have a decent conversation, aside from my brother being in the garden too, taking his post prandial puff; J wasn't really talking much. So I segued, "Bitin yung siomai. Bili pa tayo."

That was simply my way to get us to his car where we have our most intimate discussions (and actions, ahem!) take place. There, we (rather I) were (was) able to talk more fluously, and let our emotions and tears (mostly his) flow freely.

I'm physiologically (or pathologically) incapable of crying in such moments. No, it's not because I'm a cold-hearted dick; a friend of mine has this theory that I'm hormonally deficient for crying. But I'm not immune to heartaches especially when I see J crying or in pain. So I did shed a few tears as I try to console him.

All that heart wrenching drama, I simply wanted to hear from him, "What do you really want?" 

"J, what do you really want?... Not for me, not for us... but for yourself?  Because if you really want to be free from me, that's the least and best thing I could give you - your freedom. If you're going to ask me, I'd rather have you safe and free from pain rather than be stuck with me hurting and suffering. So, I'm asking you, - what do you really want for yourself?"

By that time he couldn't muster a word, his head lowered as he was sobbing his heart out. I held him by his chin and cheeks to have him eye-to-eye, "You have to tell me... I need to hear it from you."

"I want us to be together."

Like a magical chant, the door holding our deepest emotions shut burst open. As I heard those words, it felt lights were rising from the darkness inside the camped space in his car. Or you could think of that scene from Frozen, when Elsa finally figured out "Love" was the answer and all the ice started fleeting up in the air... - you get the drift.

We were wet (no, not that kind of wet) from all the tears (again, mostly his) and sweat (we didn't turn the car on, nor put the windows down) by the time we've reconciled. So we decided to get out of the car and walk around the village. As refreshing the night breeze was, so was our reconciliation. But, I was confused... "So, what now?...break ba tayo? O cool off?" (Told you in the beginning,  it's pretty awkward). 

We got back home and even stayed in my bedroom, chilling (just chilling, and no steaming). It was getting pretty late and when it was time for him to go, before going out the door, we hugged and I asked again, "So, di tayo break? O cool off?". He was shaking his head in his cute comic manner, "Nah-uh!...Nope..."

"So drama lang 'to?"

He then nods, "Drama lang."