I woke up this morning with you in my mind. Not exactly how and why, but you were the first thing on my mind, right next to the first light.
"I love you."
It's been two years already, and still I wake up to a morning like this. No amount of sadness, nor drop of bitterness - it's the truth. I love you. But we've parted ways, you turned your back on me, I had to push myself away from you. You didn't want me after all.
I was happy with you as you told me you were happy with me. But in the end, you professed "that I was never happy to begin with". You left me, broken hearted. I love you, unfortunately you couldn't reciprocate. You took my heart and left it in the cold. You took my sight and left me blind in the dark.
You took away Truth - the only thing I hold on to. The Truth I've treasured since the beginning of life, snatched away in seconds.
Two years. How long shall it take for Truth to be back in my arms?
26 September 2011
I dunno, but my sex drive is on full throttle, and I think it has something to do with my increased appetite and food intake this week. It's either that, or I have a tumour in my head.
Once again I've correlated food with sex! I've been eating up this week, and by the middle of the week I started heating up as well. I feel sexier when I wake up in the morning, in the shower, while dressing up, while stripping down, before going to sleep, and even in the middle of sleep. Sexified? The weekend was quite a torture - all by myself, with nothing to do! My idle mind had the workplace for the Devil comparable to that of Santa's workshop in the freezing North Pole - only mine was all about a scorching frig.
I could have simply jerk myself off. But I resisted. For me, it was not simply about spilling seeds, or easing tension because after every wank I'd still feel a lot of juices left. Persistent friction could result to serious chaffing, you know! It even crossed my mind to search online for a fuck, or wander off in the dark streets of Manila, to cruise public toilets and/or cinemas, and even to check out a certain fiery gay club. Basically, listed outlet options. But I've pondered on each idea and realized that I'm not willing to do any of that now, either being on the safe side or out of hesitations. Like I've said, it's simply not about doing the deed. I'm not really sure... but there's this feeling of yearning. For a fuck? Perhaps. But but it's more than a compulsion, beyond this physical exploit. A longing for passionate intimacy?
Then again, I firmly believe that the voracious appetite and surging sexual urges are strongly connected. With the increased caloric intake, it would suffice the necessity for greater energy expenditure. What do you think?
(p.s. If I'm not mistaken, it's a first to have jerk, wank, fuck, dick, horny,urges, and a lot of sex, in one entry. As well as descriptives for food, i.e. juices, seeds, voracious, intake, but were used for sexual innuendos. I must be really horny and hungry both at the same time. Sheesh.)
24 September 2011
10 September 2011
for Blood shall beckon Death
and Death shall be caressing my head
Misery shall cradle me in her arms
as she sings lullabies of Sorrow and Despair
Wrath will taunt me to play to distract me from slumber
tire me more with Anguish, weakened by Anger
Lie takes my hand as Denial lights my path
to Nothingness, I shall be
dreams of Regret haunting me
Life has surely abandoned me
Oh dearest Hope, where art thee?